There is a question that doesn't stop roaming in my head. It almost feels like I'm lost between two conditions, two ways of living life, two choices. Which one to choose? I keep thinking about it over and over again only to find out that I can't apply full stop being that way. The world, at this stage doesn't make sense to me at all. It feels like an open book anyone can have access to. People here write with ink pens, pencils and markers, whatever they feel writing, on their papers, their separate pages they were given. I'm okay with that! What I'm not okay with is that in amidst of their writings, they deliberately start writing on others' pages. The page which wasn't theirs in the first place. They use sharpened pencil to write down words only to make it more clear, forgetting that sharp edges hurt the most. They can't use an eraser though and so, the words won't be erased. Their sharpened pencil tip, their pile of hurtful words sometimes tear off the pages from the book. They want the other peoples' chapters to end in the way they like, they demand the authors to shape the stories in a way their stories are shaped. Sometimes, they blame the book's totally different chapters for the ink that was spilled on their page even if they'd had caught the one who spilled it.

They justify it by claiming that the words were written with the same color and so, the color has a problem. It's hurtful, piercing, to hear people mocking your color. To them, every word is wrong because of the color just because some words of same color were wrong. How can a color be wrong because of the words? You see inks have also been spilled in those chapters as well.. many many times, their eyes have been welled up with tears many times but they blend it with other words. Other little moments. Other sadness. Other stories. They say we know your pain so please don't mock our color. They don't seem to mock those different colors.  Colors are beautiful! How can it ever be bad? Those who play this blame game do know their pages had been spoiled brutally with different inks of different colors in the past. Even their authors did spill on other pages. History proves that. Sadly, the present too. Then why! Why do they mock just one color?  

Dear editor, when did the world became so cruel that every Muslim is now considered a terrorist and every terrorist a Muslim? How did a world became so nonsensical that when I told my internet friend about my religion, she said "Don't hate me", and when I asked " What do you mean?", all she said was "I don't know". Since when did people stop knowing what they type? Since when did people stop realizing there is a heart in every human being and it's really fragile. Since when did "controversial books" become trust worthy and received awards? Since when did people start talking about different cultures and ending their conversation with "To h*** with their culture". Taking a religious dress code as sign of oppression, calling it a "beekeeper suit", drawing sketches just to soothe yourself by emotionally hurting fellow human, how is it all justified under a tag "Freedom of speech"? This is exactly where it gets really wrong. People might say, well it started since 2001, but I say, were world war 1, 2, Atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, The Holocaust etc  not enough to mock colors then? It's really ridiculous that someone, even born after 2001, is blamed for what happened in 2001 just because they carry the same color in their heart?

Dear editor, all I want to ask you is that should I reply to those keyboard warriors, claiming I'm not and I can never be part of that? Should I tell them what I treasure in my heart shows me the path of light, gives me a shoulder to cry on in the middle of night, grab me when I lose my way, gives me many many chances to let my wish be fulfilled? Then I'll have to wait for their reply laden with verses they had interpreted very very wrong. Should I tell Bill Mahir "It's called Abaya and hijab"? Should I tell Sam Harris that the religion he considers " Mother lode of bad ideas" is probably the religion he imagined in his mind because I know mine and it's nothing like that. Should I tell them what mistake they're committing is that they're picking up a few things they didn't understand and making it whole religion , abolishing the main pillars,and thousands of things they could have easily understood, and presenting it in their newly interpreted form so that it can look full of bad ideas because I know the religion which forbids you to raise your voice in front of your parents, which considers people living in each of the '40 houses in each direction' your 'neighbors' and at the same time tells you that you would be responsible if had plenty to eat and still your 'neighbor' slept hungry, which says "Heaven Lies under the feet of your mother" can never be a 'Mother lode of bad Ideas'. Should I tell Ayaan Hirsi Ali that her novel "Infidel" didn't explain Islam but is mere 'one sided story' or what she feels about the "religion"? Should I point out the flaws in her own family tradition or the flaws of particular society which she blended in the term 'religion'? She says in her book that  she looked down to see her mother's feet only to find cracks from sweeping the floor when someone said "Heaven lies under the feet of  mother" , should I explain that 'religion' is not be blamed but the her father who didn't give equal rights to his family members. If I look at my mother's feet, I will find cracks but wait..how many of us mention our father's? Because when I look at his feet, I do not find anything "opposite of cracks" for working so hard, for straining every nerve, for trying to have a balance so that we can live better.
Dear editor, I've also got a second option, and the option is to forget about the things, the people I mentioned earlier, their thoughts, their statements, and to even forget about questioning them, to correct them, just so I can live in my own shell, happily inside my boundary. I have a choice to ditch all the ideas of correcting them, and have an idea to correct myself. I'll have to ignore keyboard warriors, incorrect statements, hurtful sketches, piercing acts justified under a specific term. I'll have to close my eyes and plop myself in the ocean of my own kingdom where I can live the way I like without anyone judging, having my family around. I'll try to perfect myself, ignoring others' imperfections and excel at the things I love, education and fiction. I'll treasure my color in my heart, to become a better person than the person I am today, for both lives, so that someday I can be what I want to be, and prove that "It's not about color, it's about words". Colors are for souls which can be contaminated by words.

Dear editor, tell me which option do I choose, to tell the people we're all artist, we choose our paints, to paint for the gallery, for our judge, to tell all the artists are not same, and we all make mistakes, and the color "RED" is not to be blamed for the 'blood' an artist painted when it is meant for "ROSES".