The way things carve out in life is surely mocking to the things we always expect. I am not complaining , I am not whining , I just want to highlight the beauty of being a human. Humans are capable of making magic , they are capable of finding the logic behind the magic and they sure are capable  of ruining it too. There is a time when everything seems possible , you seem to be enthusiastic about the new challenge you are going to face. Sometimes you are overwhelmed by your own ways and you feel lost. We don’t understand the beauty of a moment rather we plan for a future. We forward these moments so rapidly in life that when we are in senile those moments refuse to replay. Well , I am just 16 and I have come in terms with life as it is. I have been an achiever in my life , but the thing is I never did anything to be one , I always got lucky. Well , that’s what people around me think that I always get lucky. I became the head girl of my school as I really wanted to put more dust bins around my school , but I ended up regretting that as all my efforts never got noticed and appreciated. Now , its not like I crave for compliments , but sometimes when you work hard for something that means to someone else except you , you at least expect a nice gesture but all I ever get is that I get lucky. I wanted to change lives , I wanted to join an NGO , I wanted to start my own painting expedition , but people thought I am being selfish here. True , people are important lto me but who gave them a right to select what is right for me. I have always tried to be a people pleasing personality , I have always stayed back for people who  had said ‘hi’ to me only once , I have worked hard for getting other people what they deserve , I have always bottled up my own emotions so that people around me doesn’t perceive me as a burden and all they do to me is leave. Consistently. I have my interests , my choices to go about life , why people can’t accept that? I don’t centre my life around things or people , I centre it around good thoughts. You know , when you are pulled down so many times for doing things you love , you kind of give up on life. You just don’t feel like waking up to a meaningless day of meaningless smiles and giggles. I do want to become something great , something that people appreciates but how? I want to study and I want to do stuff but what role does other people play in this? I am a really happy person , rather I was , but you know , being pulled down so  many times , you don’t care for human interactions , you start to ignore life and that is bad. I have let people destroy a part of me that I really loved. Now I just don’t care. Death is something that fascinates me and I still want to become someone great and this time , it will be only for myself. Not for anyone else.As for life , I take it seriously now. Although there are moments when the chirpy Tanya does comes out but it only takes a fraction of second to pull a frown out of that smile. Heh.