Before we begin, let me take you to's assume a scenario. On your graduation day, a friend who said he would come is absent because of an emergency. What would you do after he apologize? Will you accept it readily, or feel that it doesn't matter if he doesn't come and respond indifferently, or maybe you were quietly angry in your heart, but you will be off the high horse immediately ?                                                                                                                                                                                                  In fact, This simple multiple-choice question is related to the topic we're going to talk about today: attachment style, which refers to the way we have emotional connections with other people and plays an important role in our lives. Only by having a good attachment style can we build good long-term relationships with people, which can positively impact our health and wellbeing. In contrast, having a bad attachment style can make us fearful and have a bad emotional experience in an intimate relationship, which may give us extra pressure and do harm to our health and wellbeing. In the previous multiple-choice question, choosing the first indicates that you have a good attachment style, of course, don't worry if you choose the latter two, because the experiment shows that attachment style can change.

Firstly, to understand how to change attachment styles, we need to understand which styles of attachment styles are classified. From a general perspective, attachment styles can be divided into two styles: secure and insecure, and insecure attachment can be further divided into avoidant attachment and anxious attachment.

Next, in order to reduce change a person's attachment type, we need to figure out the prototypes of these attachment styles. The prototype of attachment style is born under the influence of parents' attitudes towards children, and once formed, it is difficult to change. From Mary Ainsworth's "Strange Situation" experiment, there are several famous cases. We can know that securely attached children are anxious when separated from their parents, but are easily coaxed. Children with avoidant attachment ignore their parents all the time, but interestingly, their hearts elevate stealthily when their parents leave. And anxious attachment children are usually anxious and clingy throughout the whole process, and their performance are very contradictory.

Having clarified the classification and prototype of attachment styles, we can now talk about how to reduce change these two insecure attachment types.

In the prototype of avoidant personality, we can see that children ignore their parents but actually care about them in their hearts, just deliberately avoiding their own feelings. But Bayraktaroglu et al. 's experiment proved that small, happy things in everyday life can make people who have avoidant attachments stop avoiding them. In the experiment, the experimenters recruited a group of couples and asked them to keep a record of happy events that happened with other people during the day. They found that people who wrote more about small, happy things in their diaries experienced a decrease in avoidance over the course of throughout the journaling period. I think this is because the good things around them make them think that they have a "stable fortress of security", so they are willing to let down their guard.

Now, after talking about discussing the avoidant attachment, let's think about how to change reduce anxious attachment. Referring to the former change, we only need to resolve the uneasy factors in the formation of anxious attachment, then we can transform anxious attachment into secure attachment. From the embryonic form of anxious attachment, we can see that anxious attachment people are very insecure and afraid of losing. Therefore, we need to accompany them to give them affirmation, give them the promise that you will not leave, and comfort their anxiety, so that they can effectively reduce the degree of anxious attachment.

So that's all I want to say about the three types of attachment, what they are and how to change insecure attachment types.

By understanding different types of attachment and how to reduce them, we can reduce our insecure attachment styles and be better able to develop long-lasting close relationships with others.