How Do You Grieve?

Losing a loved one can really bring many people down and just make you feel out of it.  It may also cause some people to want to harm themselves if they feel like it is their fault.  Everyone should know that there is always help out there.  There is someone out there who wants to help you feel better, and that person may be someone who has gone through that struggle before and can give you tips on how to cope with such a loss.

There are known to be four stages of grief; shock and denial, intense concern, despair and depression, and recovery.  Some of these grieving processes may be dangerous and destructive to individuals if you are not able to continuously move through the various stages. “Grief, if not healthily dealt with, can develop into Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), in which severe grief symptoms have been experienced for at least six months and a person is stuck in a maladaptive state.”  If a person is stuck in a maladaptive state, this means that they are not able to adjust to certain situations.  Don’t always think that if you’re dealing with grief you’re going to need a lot of help, because that is not always the case.  Don’t always let other people tell you that you need to see someone to help you cope with your loss, because you know what is best for you.  Some people are able to cope with this healing process on their own as long as they are willing to move forward on the healing process.  Grief is not always just losing someone who you loved and cared about.  Other types of grief might be getting a divorce, losing a job, loss of a friendship, or the illness of a loved one. 

Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from growing will only make it worse in the long run.  In order to get the real healing, you need to face your grief and deal with it.  If you feel sad or lonely just know that that is a normal reaction to loss or pain. Feeling this way does not mean that you are weak.  You should be able to show your true feelings which in the long run may help you.  If you move on don’t let people think that you have just forgotten that loss or pain.  Moving on means that you’ve accepted your loss.  You are able to move on with your life but still keep the memory of that someone or something you lost as an important part of you.  When you move through the different stages of life these memories may be more memorable to you.

Those who need an extra person to be there for them may need to deal with a grief counselor. If you are in school, you may just need to talk to your guidance counselor.  Statistics from a professor at Oregon State University show that 22 out of 30 students deal with some type of grief and depression.  Students and adults need to know their options and what may be best for them.  Schools are able to do so much for many students.  Guidance counselors are able to offer support to the grieving one, give any information that they can provide, and make sure that the student feels safe at school, and that it will not cause them any stress. “Those students may be facing academic setbacks or school failure for the first time in their lives.  This can create anxiety and frustration. The school must be prepared to adapt school work in a range of ways, and to let grieving students know this is a reasonable and appropriate step, not a sign of failure.”

Let them know that it is okay to grieve, cry, feel in pain because that is part of the grieving process.  It will help them move on and forget those feelings and remember the good things and the memories that they shared.