Why I'm Not Straight | Teen Ink

Why I'm Not Straight

November 7, 2018
By harthur66 SILVER, Hemet, California
harthur66 SILVER, Hemet, California
5 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is impossible to live without failing at something ."-JK Rowling


When I was young all of my crushes were guys, so i always thought I was straight. I was wrong, in the end of 7th grade I got my first girl crush. I didn't understand what was quite going on I was confused and a little wired out by the situation. In 8th grade is when I got crushes on guys and girls. So little 13 year old me had the discovery that i'm not straight, in 8th grade I went through plenty of stereotypes, that never felt quite right. At first I thought I was Bisexual, that never felt right, then I went a little deeper and said Pansexual, it didn't feel right either. Then I tried A-sexual, and still a nope. Around this time I have just broken up with my first and only boyfriend, so my thought process was guys are gross and stupid. So I came out as full on lesbian the full rainbow. I kept that label because it felt right. I was repressing all of my  ex-guy crushes, I didnt want for them to exist. I wasn't happy, I wasn’t myself. I started questioning who I was. The journey is filled with ups and down till the end of my 9th grade year, where it got to the point where i told my crush that I could not date them because I had to figure myself out first. That is what I did for the next four week I figured myself out. The summer of my 9th to my 10th grade years was when I figured myself out mostly, I like boys and girls. I was Pan/Bi, even if i didn’t fit in then in 8th it fit now. It felt like I was missing something. In November of my 10th grade year I figured out what a term called Demisexual is. I started looking around finding out more about it, where I can across a term called Panromantic Demisexual. It's a romantic attraction regardless of gender after a strong bond is formed. That fit, it might not be fully me. It might be different in 20 years but that is what I am now. I am the happiest I have ever been, I am me i'm not hiding my past. I am me, and nobody can change that.    


The author's comments:

I am myself now and I am happy. 


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