These are the times that truely tested her charecter: when the sun and evening weather sets perfect for deep thinking and sorting through her thoughts to clear up recent confusions. Of course, when she starts to feel that balance of her emotions, there's always that disease that plagued her body in a matter of a few minutes and mocks the idea of "everything is going to be okay."

And that disease could be defined as death- the perminent conclusion to one's life as natural as the change of the autumn weather itself, an art that blanks out a being so another could survive, to send a soul to be graced by the Almighty Holy Trinity, a realization needed to truly understand the big picture, the final destination that is achieved naturally or unnaturally as described by the unacceptors. Yes, a deceitful and canniving uncle that visits the emotional abode many times in a lifetime that you must learn to befriend to keep the sanity and psychological balance as you grow into a person.

More accurately, as you grow into a child. A child so innocent, blissfully naive to live by the theory of "if I wish it away, it will never have existed", to fall into a situation in which greif and sorrow stares directly in the eyes of uneducated and eat at the heart before the knowledge of how to stop it, to put a new life recently starting on hold to harness the unsupported idea that life would be so much better if death never existed. At least, that's how she felt as a five year-old when her daddy, her six-foot two solid foundation playmate and caregiver was killed in a car accident.

And that's exactly what it was- an accident. His death was accidental, for he was not killed on purpose by another man. If so, his death would be based on hate. He was not eaten by a cancerous disease. If so, his death would have given notice. His death was accidental, soothing in the fact that it was not based on hate, but painful in the fact that it did not give notice, if that is understandable. It was a balanced mix of neither.

And so, twelve years later as this little girl is developing into a full-bloomed and optimistic woman, she does not spend time sorting her thoughts to try to understand them. Instead, she prays to try to let them go. She captured peace of mind believing that prayer can always dull the disease for the moment if not for the day.