Wow, well the truth is, I never got over you. I'mstill not over you. I love you, like I did the first time I said it. I love youlike when I lost you. I love you all over again and haven't stopped loving you.But what do words mean? How can words take away what was done? How can words menda heart?

For months I have been alone. The days have passed, empty,meaningless without you. I haven't gotten a solid night's sleep since. You'reeverything to me and I know that now. I'm not the same person. Whether it's abetter man or a different man, I can't decide, but I've realized my faults. Ittook me a long time, but it eventually sunk in how big a disgrace I was, how muchI did wrong. If anything, you gave me a new outlook and shaped my character. Iadmire you more than you know. You are everything I wish I could be - strong,moral, stable.

It's so hard for me right now. You taught me so much thatyou don't even know. You showed me how to achieve my dream, told me "Don'tthink, run." I decided to give you a shot and look what happened. My successthis year, in the one thing that makes sense to me, was because of you. I'meternally grateful for you.

I don't know what to do from here, I'm notsure where I'll go. You graced me with your presence, and I graced you with myfoolishness, and now I have to live with that. Nothing is the same anymore and itseems an eternity has passed, but really it's only been five months. It seemslike looking years into my past when I think of the eight months we spenttogether.

My picture frames were turned down. I recently turned them backup. Your picture was lying in the bottom of my drawer; just now I put it back inmy wallet. I'd shoved your memory to the back of my mind, but lately you'veentered my conscious thoughts again.

Instead of pushing you out of mypast and hiding the pain, I have realized that the only way I will get over youis to let you live on in my spirit. I can only find outlet and expression throughthe things I love.

And I love you. I see it all so clearly now when Ipass by and glance in your eyes. It all makes sense with the tiny, timid, halfsmirks we let each other steal.

It all comes back to me with thefamiliarity of these hallways, the old ways of such shared places, the memoriescollected in my mind. I miss you, for I cannot get over you.