Movie theaters may be one of the greatest scams that exist today. They get you to pay all this money for the most mediocre experience of your life. My first time at a movie theater was one to remember. I was around thirteen years old and couldn’t be more excited to see the new SpongeBob movie, Sponge Out of Water. Deeply surprised how this movie got approved to be rated PG with the daunting teenage jokes in it. Children's movies are becoming more and more mature as we become blind like bats to the jokes. Anyways, who knew the experience I was about to have at my first movie theater.

            My “fake” aunt (my mom’s best friend) told me that she was surprising me with a trip to the movies to see the new SpongeBob movie. I was so excited I could have given her a million hugs, but I kept my cool by nodding my head in agreement. Upon arrival, I was shocked to see what a movie theater was like in person. My sister always told me about them, but I never imagined that it would be full of filthy children who run around unsupervised and spilling food everywhere. Was an arcade the smartest decision to build inside a movie theater? Since we left so late my aunt was in such a rush to get the tickets and I was dragged over to the counter. With the children’s tickets being cheaper than the adult, I had to guess what age I was going to be today. 8? 10? My real age? Can I even pass as being under twelve anymore? Surprisingly I was eleven today and copped the children’s discount. 

            Some rules that I learned in a movie theater are so surprising that it’s actually mind blowing. Who knew that it needed to be spelled out? There’s a whole commercial that plays in the previews about not using your phone during the movie and people somehow don’t understand to not have their blinding, flashing, intimidating, uncomfortable, confusing, complex, and utterly rude bright light coming from their phones as they text. I mean what’s the point of paying $20 for a movie ticket, another $30 on unnecessarily overpriced food, and fifteen minutes of wandering around to find your seats and use the bathroom before the movie just to sit on your phone the whole time? Then comes the agonizing pain of people’s nonstop conversations about something in the movie they don’t understand every ten minutes. How about playing the quiet game until the movie ends and the winner gets a free box of candy? Imagine a thousand bees buzzing around your face, or a clock alarm that won’t turn off and then picture that during a two-hour movie. I never thought it was that hard to shut up for an elongated period until I went to a movie theater.

            Then comes the movie itself. I’ve probably never seen such a bad movie in my entire life. Definitely detrimental to my mental health as I was so disappointed in such a film. Questioning who was in the final recording room and sat there watching the whole movie then collectively agreed to release the movie to the public. No way people found it entertaining. Or the plot to make sense. Or the characters switching between their in-water vs out of water selves. I didn’t even pay for the movie, and I still wanted a refund. Due to my astonishing acting skills, I gave the performance of my life to my aunt to make her believe that that was the best movie I’ve ever seen in my life. I could have won an Oscar for my performance. An Emmy too. There’s no way I could live with the guilt of hurting my aunts’ feelings when she spent her time and money on this experience for me.

            After I experienced my first movie theater, I never thought that I would go back. The comparison of just buying the movie to watch at home on your TV saves the hassle of going to a theater. Who really has the energy for it? It’s like working overtime at your job without getting paid extra money. It does have its upsides though, as the experience of watching a fresh movie with other new eyes is an enjoyable experience. My time watching Marvel movies when they came out in theaters was one-hundred times better than my first movie theater experience. So, in conclusion, never watch the SpongeBob Sponge Out of Water movie.