I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a Saturday morning, I was sitting on the couch watching Gilmore Girls when my sister barged into the house screaming. 

“THERE WAS A SHOOTING AT TREE OF LIFE!”

My whole family was in disbelief. As we turned on CNN and waited for them to air the story, my family started crying. I didn’t know what to do with all of my emotions; I was sad, but at the same time, I couldn’t bring myself to accept that someone would ever do something this horrific. 

It took a while for me to come to terms with the fact that this had actually happened. I went with my parents to the memorial outside of the synagogue. The second that I laid my eyes on the eleven wooden Jewish stars with eleven different names my eyes began to tear up. As the mascara ran down my face, I realized the intensity of the situation and how easily one of those wooden stars could have read Ella Werner. 

Tree of Life was one of many local synagogues in the town in which I grew up. I was a member there up until second grade. One of the reasons that I have held it so close to my heart is because of my Rabbi, Rabbi Chuck. He would give out stuffed animals to the kids that paid attention and were quiet. I didn’t normally get any, but when I did, I was so excited. The reason that this was so special was because it was always something to look forward to at the end of a long service.

When I imagine God, I think of a larger than life presence, a tall man, white curly hair, and a white curly beard; that was Rabbi Chuck. He was the main reason I went to synagogue because I thought of him as God. I grew up being taught that this is a scary world but going to synagogue and seeing Rabbi Chuck made me feel safe.

When I was younger, my parents told me that there would be people in the world that hated me solely because I am Jewish. In my young mind, it didn’t make sense but, somehow, I knew to be worried. Even before the shooting, I can vividly remember going to the bathroom at synagogue and thinking about what I would do if a “bad guy” came in. I thought that I could stand on the toilet so they didn’t know that I was in there. I had thoughts about how my parents would know if I was in trouble. I had nightmares about a shooter coming into the synagogue. 

  This attack on my community hit me hard. To this day, it is still difficult for me to understand why people feel hatred towards me just because I am Jewish. After the shooting I was able to realize what Judaism is to me. I realized that I am not a Jew in the sense of prayer; I am a Jew in the sense of community. In response to the Tree Of Life tragedy, there were rallies, protests, and community gatherings. The saying “Stronger than Hate” was created, it means that despite all of the anti-semitism in the world, we, as Jews and as a community, were able to come together and support the grieving families around us. That is what I love, that is what makes me Jewish.