The television did its best to keep my attention but I could hardly focus on it. I had already paced around my living room ten times, talked with my cat about her favorite toy, and played every game on my phone. It seemed that nothing worked; my anxiety was getting the better of me.

What if seeing you in person changes how she thinks of you?

All it took was a text: “I’m on my way, okay?” to send my heart rate skyrocketing. I couldn’t even feel my fingertips, it felt as if I had dipped my hands into an ice bucket. Every shaky breath, every leg bounce, every strand of hair pulled, none of it helped to ease my anxiety.

She’ll probably turn around and walk away once she catches a glimpse of you.

Don’t get me wrong—I could not be happier. We talked about this moment for weeks and, honestly, I was excited to see her. But my anxiety just gets the better of me. I wanted to run into my room and hide from everything and everyone. I forced my family to stay out of the living room because I couldn’t handle their hawk eyes on me. 

Better yet, she’ll laugh in your face and then walk away.

Before I could map out my escape route I saw, in the corner of my eye, a car pulling up. 

You cannot go out there.

It was as if I stepped into wet cement; my feet were firmly planted in place. I was paralyzed, both physically and mentally, not knowing how I could possibly go out that door to greet her. 

You’ll embarrass yourself. This is all some elaborate joke on you—nobody would ever date you.

…but, some part of me just couldn’t stay still. I couldn’t let the anxiety win, let it ruin another thing for me. So, reluctantly, I started for the door.

Are you seriously thinking about going out there?

The basket I had made for her sat on my steps; so much care and love went into making it. 

She’s going to think it’s stupid.

I picked it up and placed my hands on a seemingly frozen doorknob.

You’re making a huge mistake.

Through shaky breaths and crippling thoughts, I opened the door—

 Stop!

—and behind it stood her. The first thing I noticed was how tall she was compared to me. We had talked about it, yeah, but she was really tall. The next was a beautiful basket with heart fairy lights twirling around the handle, filled with all my favorite candies and one of her hoodies. Then it was her face. The mask hid it pretty well, but I could still see how red her face was, her eyes were a beautiful green which only brought out the hundreds of freckles that brushed upon her face. 

She set her basket down on the bench on my porch, so I did as well, making a note of how pretty they looked together. She smiled (I could tell) and wrapped her arms around me. 

An ocean of comfort washes over me; I completely forget that it is February and partially snowing outside. I feel nothing but the warmth of her hug and the protectiveness of her arms around me. I also completely forget why I was so anxious in the first place. In fact, I don’t even feel anxiety at all now, the only feeling that is left is love. 

Our love.