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Motherless
A relationship with my mother is one filled with pain and dread. It constantly goes back and forth and leaves me feeling worthless. I constantly ask myself, why am I never enough for her to make the right decision?, why can’t we have a normal mother-daughter relationship?, and most importantly, why do I let my mother get underneath my skin? Moms are supposed to help their daughters through heartbreak and hard times, instead my so-called mother is the reason I have a shattered heart. My own mother taught me that in order to be happy, I needed to find my own peace within myself. And she didn’t teach it through some motivational speech after getting my heart broken by a guy, she taught me through abandonment. Sometimes, I think I should thank her, because what I realize now is that I will never be a mom like her and I will never let someone treat me the way she does. She showed me that my biggest fear in life was to end up like her and my grandmother. It’s sad that a 16 year old’s biggest goal is to break the cycle of abuse within her family. But maybe, I should thank her for the lessons she taught me.
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I live in Burns, Wyoming, but I have been all over the east side of the state. My childhood was filled with trauma and constant moving. My hope for the piece is to show other young women, that having a relationship with your mom doesn't always have to be a thing.