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Breaking the Cycle of Self Doubt
Throughout my life, I've rarely believed that I was a good person, or there was always this feeling that the people around me, were pretending to like me, but they all despised me, I would hate on myself for something that probably wasnt even happening, and I would say stuff like “if only you were a better person”, and if I ever did something wrong in the slightest, I would instantly start thinking that this is why no one truly likes me. This would continue to plague my thoughts until about 5th grade.
5th grade, in my opinion, was my best year, On the first day of school, I was already talking to the kids at my table, we even ate together at lunch, it was all nice, even if I said or did something embarrassing, they would laugh it off and forget about it. Slowly on and on, I made more and more friends by the day.
Then, at some point halfway through the school year, I began to notice one kid, she looked rough like she’d been having a bad year, and the more I thought about it, I realized that this kid, is me, or what I could've been, seeing her position reminded me of who I was before I made all my friends, I wanted to talk to her, I wanted to be the person that I didn't have to pull me out of my misery, then luckily, I got my chance.
The teacher was assigning us partners for a group project between two people, and when we were all looking at our partners on the whiteboard, I saw my name right next to hers. During that moment, I realized this was my chance to talk to her, to help her.
We would work on the project together, and every once in a while I'd ask her small questions like, what's your favorite food, do you have any pets, all the general things you ask when wanting to get to know someone better. Then after we got to know each other a little, I said “Hey, I've noticed that you haven't been doing well lately, and I just want you to know, even though we kinda just met, I care about you, and how you feel, and I'm always here to help you when you need it.”
After, she looked at me, surprised, that some random kid, she barely knew, was willing to help and talk to her. Now, she is one of my best friends, and we still know each other now. I believe that, no matter how bad of a person you think you are or might be, were all people, we all have bad times, and things were dealt with, and it's up to us to help and care for each other.
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