Dear Ivan



When i first met you i had no intentions on dating you. Then one night i was with my friend and she wanted lip gloss so she asked her cousin if he would take us to Wal-Mart and of course her cousin ended up being you. I paid no attention to you but you slowly started to grow on me and about a month later we were a couple.

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I remember one night it was really dark and late, but I walked outside my house with out my parents knowing I really needed someone to talk to. Ivan was waiting for me beside my house. It started as a walk down the quiet street, until we got to a light post. I decided to sit under it so of course he had too also. We began talking a bunch of meaningless things but I knew thats not what i needed to talk about nor what i had left my house for. So I slowly made baby steps into how i was feeling and shortly after i realized i was crying in his arms and i had actually let him comfort me. I was always strong until the unimaginable happened.


Shortly after i has started dating ivan my mom planned for me and my brother to visit my grandma in Mexico because she had been very sick. I was not excited whatsoever but my brother on the other hand was ecstatic. Once we were there we were having the time of our lives!!! We didn’t want to leave, but our trip didn’t last long. The worst thing we could have ever imagined happened.


So there we all are at my aunt's house planning out what to do the next sunday morning. We come to a conclusion that we would all go four wheeling to a river near by. Come Sunday morning my cousins had flipped the plans around they had decided not to include the girls on the trip. Of course I didn’t like that but i didn’t fight it but my brother did. He refused to go. But after so much begging he gave in.


They went off with only their own permission. It wasn’t until later that we received a phone call saying my brother had gotten in a motorcycle accident and that he was at a clinic in a pueblo near by. We rushed over there but when we got there the workers told us that they had transfered him to a hospital in Tecoman. Once we got to the hospital the nurses told us that he’d be fine and he had just broken his ribs or his neck. I was already ready to b**** at him because my mom had told him plenty of times about driving fast and messing around on the motorcycle.


I went to the restroom, when I got out I noticed my uncle crying. I knew that couldn’t be good. I walked over needing to know what was going on. He told me that my brother was in a life or death situation and that they didn’t think he would make it. I had no choice but to believe what had been said and to pray he would be be okay. Then a nurse came out and pulled my uncle aside I knew what was happening but i didn't want to know. While me uncle walked towards me crying after talking to the nurse I wanted to run far far away just to never face what was happening. But i didn’t as he walked towards me shaking his head crying he said “ he’s gone...” I felt like someone had torn my heart into pieces and stomped on them. I felt like i had no reason to live any longer. My best friend/ brother was no longer there so i had nothing to lose. Its unexplainable how much he meant to me me.


Now of course life is completely different. For starters I’m an only child now, and it's no longer loud in my home. But thank God the change was not all bad. We now go to church every sunday. We pray in our home now and my parents became much closer, I also spend a lot of time at home and learned how to love and care for what I have like my parents. Also we gained a new family member who would be Ivan. Before i was always acting all tough as if i didn’t care about anything. I had a big wall of strength that i had built and i would never let that wall come down. Until that night under the light post. It was then when i realized I was no longer strong. I also realized everyone needs someone in life and no one is strong. Thanks to Ivan I never really felt the empty spot in my life because he replaced it and thanks to him i dealt with my brothers death very well compared to how i would have if he wasn’t there for me.