Gloves. Plastic jumpsuit. Teary eyed eleven year old, facing something that people would never dream of.

Something horrible. Something you wouldn’t even see in a nightmare. Pushing my weight against the door, wishing it were locked, but it wasn't.

  November.

  Suddenly my life hit the ground. The one thing I had left of sweet memories hit the ground, far from floor one and so deep in my heart. My life changed forever and it wasn´t a good thing.

Thanksgiving.

We spent celebrating a life that was gone too quickly but lived fully.

Flashback: November 8, 2013

My life was great. I only heard about the news because I was eavesdropping. I went to school with my head held high not thinking of it.
  12:01 P.M. passed.
12:20 P.M passed.
1:00 P.M came.

  I was called down to the office. Trouble. Trouble. Trouble, is all I thought. My mom came to pick me up. I didn't think anything bad happened. I was just happy to be out of school, until I rode in the car. She explained it to me. I couldn't hold it in. Suddenly the tears came down my eyes like someone turned on the faucet. She comforted me like any other mother would.

Heart Attack. Heart Attack? “She fell and you didn't tell us?”  is all I heard my dad say. A little happiness came to me because that reminded me of him always calling her “China doll,” and trying to put a Chicago Bulls hat on her. She loved the Bulls as much as a fat kid loved cake.Welcome to Trinity Hospital, is what all the signs said, like it was a great place to be, but for me, I just hated the word hospital at the moment and every moment after.

2:00 P.M.
2:30 P.M.
“I’m sorry, she won't even make it through the night.”      
3:00 P.M.
“Ganea, Ganea!”

My brother. My little brother finally came. It didn't affect him, he didn't have sweet memories with her like I did. I stayed the night, we watched movies together, she even played dolls with me so I wouldn't have to play by myself.
“Ding,” is the sound the elevator made every time we got closer to the vending machine. 20mph, 30mph, and back to 20mph every time my mom took us to McDonalds. Happy meals, “Don't forget to get my baby some caramel for her apples,” she would always say. She was such a jokester. “Ganea, if you eat all those cheeseburgers, it’s going to go to your thighs.” I laughed not even knowing what she meant at that moment. Me. Little me, my toothless self. My small toothless self.

  “Ganea you can come in now,” my mom said. I didn't say anything because if anything came out of my mouth, even a sound or mutter, I would burst into tears. My eyes were already teary eyed like my tears were waiting for me to say, “Okay you guys can drop now.”

  When I walked in, the room was silent. All you could hear was the air conditioning that would cut on and off like it couldn't make up its mine if it was hot or cold in there. The TV was blank, just a reflection of the bed she was in. My mind was where I saw the pictures, the memories we had. My family was just family. I think they thought the same things I did.

“Pizza! Pizza!” The little kids yelled like they hadn't eaten in days, so we sat in the waiting room and ate the pizza. After that my tears and me were right back at it again. I couldn't do it anymore. I left the room. 9:00 P.M. I lay down, just lay there. My eyes closed and opened again, and became drowsy every time I tried to reopen them. Open. Close. Open. Close, closed forever just like her eyes would be. Just closed never having a chance to reopen again.

12:00 A.M. my eyes opened. My vision was a little blurry. I woke up and surprisingly, I played cards. I knew how to play most card games, so we jumped right into it. 12:30 A.M. “Are you cold?”  my mom asked.

“I’m freezing!” I said because I always over exaggerated. I went to go ask the nice lady at the desk if I could have a cover. It was so warm it felt like clouds that just came fresh out of the oven. I snuggled in that cover for the longest time until it became room temperature again. I threw it down, ran into the room, and my mom said I couldn't go in--there were too many people in the the room. So I waited outside the door.

1:00 A.M. I’m still waiting. 1:10 A.M. nothing to do. 1:13 A.M. my mom opened the door with tears running down her face. “She’s gone.” I paused not knowing whether I should hug her and cry or sit against the wall and cry. I just stepped back and fell to the floor. I felt like I had nothing. I felt like I lost the one thing that held sweet memories. I was mad at myself for not visiting her more. Even though I couldn't help it, I really didn't care at the moment.

I never got to see her with her eyes open after that. It was like they opened and closed and remained closed, never seeing daylight again, never seeing me accomplish things, never seeing me walk across that stage for graduation in my cap and gown, never seeing me do anything... Never seeing anything again. Just blank and dark like my mind. Like a room at night, like everything in my life at the moment, just blank for now and forever, “China doll,” we'll soon meet again. I promise. Sleep tight “China doll,” sleep tight.