Dear dad,

Why did you leave dad? Why did you leave when I needed you the most dad? I wouldn’t of went through so much pain if you wouldn't of left me when you did. Dad i miss you so much that i cry myself to sleep at night. It hurts when i see all these girls growing up with their dad in their life. What did i do to not be like these other girls? People say it’s not my fault, that it is your’s because you made a decision and didn’t want me in it. But i still blame myself. I feel like if i say something wrong, people will walk out. So i say what i think they want to hear but i’m still scared that they will walk out. You said that you loved me but it doesn’t feel like it to me. You come into my life just because you need something but leave it when we don’t have it. It’s hard to watch these other girls grow-up with a dad. I want that so bad. But i’ll never get that i guess. You can be in Kamden life but you can’t be in mine? Why is that? Was i not good enough for you? Was it because i wasn’t like you? You didn’t think i was your child because my mom was a “hoe.” My mom wasn’t a hoe, you were and still are. What do i call you now? I don’t believe that you deserve being called dad or daddy or even father. I’ll just call you Leo. I wish you would come back and stay in my life. I want that daddy-daughter bond that you had with my sister. How am i different than anyone of your children? I feel like i’m the only child you don’t want unless i have something you need or want. I keep falling for your games because i give you what you want or need in exchange for your love but you seem to never keep your end of the deal. I wish i didn’t fall for it but i do. If you came in my life right now i would fall for it again because i would get my head wrapped around the idea of the daddy-daughter relationship. My life has never been the normal life. I never had my dad to go to a daddy daughter dance with but i went with my grandpa. It was okay but it would have been better with you there. I think about the future a lot like when i get married. You won’t be there to walk me down the aisle like normal brides get. I hope you will want to walk me down the aisle because i really want you too. Just one time i want to be normal. You say u love but u can’t prove it. Why? My life is different without you. All my friends ask me when they’ll get to meet you and i have to make up excuses because i have no idea even ill get to see you again. How do i know if your alive? I don't. The only time i can say what is my mind is when i rap because i’m not normal. I have anxiety and depression. I feel like mom is going to leave and not come back because of you. You wanna know why it’s because of you? Because since you walked out in the middle of the night when i was sleeping, i’m scared that mom is going to do the same so i don’t sleep. It scares me when she works night because i don’t know her store is going to get robbed and her get killed. You know what dad? I want to see you so much but i don’t want to get hurt again by you. I remember the day of my house fire. You called and asked me if i was okay. You acted like you cared and said you would help out. You said would call me back after we were done talking. That was more than 3 months ago and i’m still waiting for that call back. I stay up late feeling if i fall asleep, you will call and i’ll miss it. I really wish i could depend on you but i guess i still can’t. I want to trust you but for some reason i can’t. Mom says she wishes that you were put in jail and the jail through away the key. I just agree with her because i’m sick of fighting with her and i know she’ll yell at me if i say anything. I don’t know why i stand up for you but whenever anyone says anything bad about you, i’m right there standing up for you. I know i shouldn’t because you put me through so much pain but i do because even though you don’t love me, your still my dad and i love you. I don’t know how you don’t love the human that u created. I will never do what you did to me to my children and i will never let them go through what i went through alone like i did. I will do my best to protect them from it because they won’t need to feel like i feel right now. Sometimes i have these thoughts in my head that tell me that i wasn’t good enough for my dad, so i’ll never be good enough for anyone ever. All i ever wanted was to be able to go to my dad and talk to him when i’m going through a rough time. All i ever wanted was to go to my dad’s every other weekend and than more in summer. All i ever wanted is from you is the love that a father should give to his daughter. But i will never be good enough for you like my siblings are.

From the daughter you never loved