As we walked down the concrete sidewalk, the one with the tall overhanging lamps, single file, I couldn’t help but to continue to blab to you. Trying so hard, but in the end failing miserably, to turn my head so you could hear my soft voice over the car engines while desperately trying not to let my clumsy ass hit the pavement. But it all just turned into an awkward neck twist where you only heard parts of my speech. But nevertheless, I kept trying.

I loved talking to you. I loved it when we rambled on about someone we loved or someone we hated. I loved it when we connected and it felt like I could totally be myself. I could be free and let loose. It was real and an indescribable feeling of being completely comfortable with someone, a rarity to have in this world. Don’t you remember you felt it too?  

As we got closer to the end of the dimly lit alley right off of the main road, the pace of the other minors in our group in front of us slowed, causing us to bump into everyone and step on each other's toes, but no one fell like dominos. Then we heard the sound. Cheering. Was it anger? Excitement? No one knew, no one could see. Our teacher told everyone to put their backs against the rough brick wall. The sound was clearer, but the language was not. Every violent event that I have seen from the news about protests or attacks played before my eyes. Was this place going to be our Paris? An unexpected ending. My breath was caught in my throat.

I turned towards you and held your hand. I stared into your eyes, my heart stopped. Completely stopped. I was terrified. Truly terrified. But no, not for myself. For you. In that moment I didn’t care what happened to me. All I could think about was you. I didn’t know what would happen. Was it a mob of angry people? Were they angry towards foreigners? Their government? But all my thoughts kept coming back to you.

I looked in your eyes, your big blue eyes. I took in everything. Every memory we shared. I was like a robot and all I was programmed to do was think about how to keep you safe. It was like suddenly my body was turning all of it’s actions towards you and I was gladly letting it. My heart no longer pumped my blood, but yours. My brain no longer thought about myself, but you. My skin no longer protected me, but you. My will to survive disintegrated and was replaced by my will for you to live. I didn’t matter. My world was frozen in that moment, so that yours could continue spinning. Yet, I was ready.

The group turned the corner.

An enormous crowd was gathered in front of a monumental church. My ears were of no use, but my sight was everything. Instantly my body relaxed as the rainbow flags came into my view. I loosened my grip on your hand. My tense furrowed brows went back to their original place and my fears left my lungs.

Everything clicked in and I was no longer worried about you, but I knew, from that moment, I was ready to do anything for you and I would have done everything for you.

I will.