cave canem

~two second graders go door to door for candy on halloween night~

on the night we strode off into the uncharted, mystifying territory of moonlight- frisky children veiled in silvery cloaks; the night where beasts shroud themselves in susceptible penumbras- blown out candles over smoldering, smoky screen doors; night lights flickering over milky moonlight- crispy leaves and newly crumbled dreams; the night where children scream.

the howling wind, a rabid scream, a spine-chilling hairy beast

“do you want to see the dog?”

the howling wind, a rabid scream, a spine-chilling hairy beast the howling wind, a rabid scream, a spine-chilling hairy beast the howling wind, a rabid scream, a spine-chilling hairy beast

a pounce, a tear, a rip, a slash, a white veil drifting far far far far far far away away away away…

fear: somewhere in your childhood dreams, you know that it was all real

cave canem

~a third grader and her family travel to New Delhi at dawn~

on the dawn we strode off into the unfamiliar territory of scorching air- clad in intricate silk attire with gilded embroidery; the dawn where ashes accrue on crimson daybreaks- a low lain gutter over musty dirt roads; the crack of dawn nowhere to be gone- evade or be prey; the morning where they all run away.

a car honking, door crashing, earth shattering roar

“run away, little girl. run away.”

a car honking, door crashing, earth shattering roar a car honking, door crashing, earth shattering roar a car honking, door crashing, earth shattering roar

teeth. sharp. why does it smell? smells like a sewer? smells like a sewer. run away away away away far far far far far away away away away…

fear: some things will just haunt you forever no matter how hard you try to forget…

cave canem

~three middle school cousins huddle outside a house on a cold winter evening~

on the evening we arrived into familiar streets with familiar porch lights-bundled in cold air on seaweed tiled floor; evenings filled with hard boiled eggs and crab rangoons- trapped behind doorsteps and steamy crockpots; a snow covered storybook- an invisible key;  the evening that unlocked the jammed up door.

a ball of fur, small eyes, tormented rage rage rage rage

“why am I so scared?”

a ball of fur, small eyes, tormented rage rage rage rage, a ball of fur, small eyes, tormented rage rage rage rage, a ball of fur, small eyes, tormented rage rage rage rage

trapped in a cage, pent up rage, lock it up lock it up lock it up NOOOOOOOOOO…..

fear: forget. everything. and. run…. run…… run run run run run………..

cave canem

~the two second graders, now ninth graders, on a jog in their neighborhood at midnight~

on the midnight we ran off into familiar streets where the houses never change- older and wiser but never wise enough; the day where shackles squelch all of its pent up rage- hidden in garage doors and raspy wooden fences; the jolting chain the jolting sprinkler- keep going keep going; the midnight where darkness conceals anything that once could be seen.

creeping footsteps, coming closer and closer and closer, tiptoe tiptoe tiptoe

“is that a dog?”

“no, it’s a bush.”

“no, it’s a dog.”

creeping footsteps, coming closer and closer and closer, tiptoe tiptoe tiptoe creeping footsteps, coming closer and closer and closer, tiptoe tiptoe tiptoe creeping footsteps, coming closer and closer and closer, tiptoe tiptoe tiptoe

should have known. should have known have known have known have known known known known known…… SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

fear: ……….

and to this day, you still ask me why i’m scared. why i, years later, still cower at the bark that comes after a doorbell? why that wound is still bleeding- still hasn’t healed? why i can never get over the raw agony of that day?