Acceptance

Hi my name is Olivia, I’m 12. I have always been more of a masculine girl and I sometimes get funny looks from others. When I was younger, I always wanted short hair (a mohawk), I had hair that was past my shoulders, and I was a little nervous to get it cut short because I thought I might not like the way it looked.

 My parents used to always say, “Just do what makes you happy.”

My parents have always let my sister and I be who we truly are and have never judged us or told us to be different. When I was in kindergarten I was always wearing dresses and skirts. In first grade, I still had long hair, but would wear basketball shorts. When I was in Boys and Girls Club, people thought I was a boy even when I was wearing a pink shirt and had long hair, but I was also wearing a cap backwards and basketball shorts. 

People would say things like, “Are you a boy?” and “That’s the girls bathroom!” 

All I would do was say, “I’m a girl!” and laugh it off, but sometimes it would make me feel uncomfortable because people eventually started making fun of me because of the way I looked. I tried to stay confident because I liked the way I looked and who I was. 

During the summer of second grade, I was really thinking about getting my hair cut short before the third grade. I had finally gotten the courage to get my hair cut, I was excitedly nervous. I had my friend Alyssa with me when I went to get a short haircut. The barber first braided my hair and cut it to my ears. Then, they cut the hair off the top and finally started shaving the sides of my head. When they turned me around towards the mirror after they cut it, I was thinking to myself,

 “Wow, you just did this, you were brave! You finally got the haircut you always wanted!!”

 When I got it cut, I was so happy with it, but it was so different then what I was used to. I couldn’t stop touching my hair because it was so soft on the shaved sides. I am so happy I got it cut still to this day. When I got my haircut, I was always wearing “boy’s” clothes except when I wore tank tops. I had finally decided that I was just going to put on a brave face and be who I was. 

 On the first day of 3rd grade I told myself, “You can do this! You are only going to school to learn; people won’t judge you.”

      I got on the bus and when I got to school, it was fine. When I got to the classroom my friends didn’t recognize me. In other words, they thought I was new to the school.

They shouted, “We have a new student!” 

I smiled and laughed at them, and insisted, “It’s me, Olivia! You’re my friend!” 

They just looked at me and had a funny expression. “Olivia?” “It’s you?” They questioned.

“Yeah!” I replied, with a grin on my face.

 After a while, they got used to it and didn’t care about how I dressed. They just wanted me to be me. Our friendship mattered more to them than anything else. People at school that were older than me and younger than me started whispering about me, staring at me and laughing at me too. It did start to make me feel very uncomfortable after a while, and I was very sad. I would start to cry at school, and I wouldn’t want to look at anyone so I would hang my head down low, look at my feet, and not say a word to anyone. Sometimes I think people did it because it made them feel good in a way. It made them feel strong and powerful, like they could control me. Some days it would be so bad I would come home and feel like my tears were just a waterfall coming down my cheeks. One day, I had lunch with the counselor and my mom. The counselor gave me some advice, but it didn’t really help much. 

I didn’t want to change who I was. I just wanted people to accept me for who I was, so I never changed the way I appeared. Everyday I went to school I was being who I wanted to be. I started walking down the halls feeling more and more confident. I would hold my head up a little more than I used to, and I was also trying to not let the stares and questions make me feel so uncomfortable. When people would say things mean or rude, my friends would stand up for me because I was never good at standing up for myself.   

When I would go home my parents would say,  “People can just be mean sometimes,” “They are probably dealing with their own problems as well, and they don’t want people paying attention to them so they try to make you feel bad.” 

My parents told me that if I was more confident with who I was people would maybe recognize that and maybe would be nicer.

      “I try, but it’s harder than it sounds like it would be,” I would tell them.

 When I was in fifth grade an adult said something to me like “What are you doing? That’s the girls’ bathroom.” 

I tried so hard to say, “I’m a girl,”

 but it just wouldn’t come out. I turned as red as a cherry and ran into the bathroom. My classmates started making a joke and laughing so hard after that because we were reading a book called “A Boy in the Girls Bathroom.” I got very embarrassed and tried not to show it. When I was younger, my stuffed animal monkey was my comfort thing. In Kindergarten through third grade I always brought the monkey in my backpack. At night I couldn’t sleep without it, and I could feel it hugging me and telling me things would be okay. I would tell it about my day, and it felt like it was responding to me. I would tell it about what the mean people said and what I did at recess with my friends. By fourth grade I would leave it at home, but I never got rid of it.

The very first time I ever said something to someone like, “I’m a girl,” was when I was in sixth grade. I had finally just gotten the courage to say that, and I felt so relieved and happy that I had just done that without having someone else say it for me. I had accomplished something I had wanted for so long! I know it doesn’t sound that hard to do or that impressive but to me that was an amazing moment.

 As I’ve gotten older, I have become more confident and rarely do people say anything about how I look. People now accept the true me, and I feel so grateful for that. But personally, I don’t think there should be “boys” and “girls” clothes. For example some people think that girls have to wear short shorts, dresses, and certain colors. For boys, they are supposed to wear long shorts, certain colors, and have a shorter haircut. This is only some people. There are a lot of good people in the world, and they don’t all think this way but there are some really mean and picky people. I think everyone should be cared for and respected no matter their sexuality, skin color, disabilities, deformities and unique qualities. People should focus on personality more than any of the things that I listed. Though I still don’t  know why people feel the need to make others feel bad and disappointed that they are different, because then they will deal with mean people and think being different is a bad thing even though it’s not. Some people just don’t know when to not say things to others, they don’t always understand that what they are saying is damaging to the person they said those things to. I know that words can hurt a person more than physical abuse can sometimes. I just hope people will understand that other people have feelings and emotions and you can’t just say whatever you want to them.  I am so grateful to have parents that are so supportive. They have helped me to become more confident and proud to be me. I love them so much, and wouldn’t have been able to be confident in myself without them. I only wish the best for others who deal with problems similar to mine. Just know that someday things will get better. Don’t keep things bottled up inside of you either, tell someone you trust how you feel, trust me, it makes you feel better. There are some mean people that we will all face in life, but there are people in the world who would probably look up to you for being brave and being you. Not just those things but many others like working towards your dream instead of giving up, or doing something for someone to make their day better. People are people, we are all special and unique, and we all deserve love and respect. No matter what people say, just know you are special and you belong, people can be judgy and hurtful, but just ignore them. Thank you!