Managing the triple expectations of school, family, and self can feel overwhelming for teenagers. Your teenage years are rough because that is when all of them happen at the same time. If I had to rank my priorities in order, it would be school first, family second, and self last. The expectations for self come last for me and for other teens I know, which makes juggling obligations difficult. A few lessons I have learned this past year while finishing my high school career at the School Without Walls remotely, are to keep “showing up,” to ask for help when I need it, and to do the work. If I do those things, I will gain confidence and continue to achieve my goals.

  At the age of 17, school is the most overwhelming for me. But it needs the most effort because graduating on time impacts my future the most. One day I want to be in a field where I am working with children. I have thought about a daycare center and I have thought about being a pediatric nurse. Both of those require more school and certification. And I know I can't start down either of those paths without having a high school diploma.

  I have been going to school since 2008, that's 13 years! Never before have I worried about the end of the year like I have this year. In second grade, I was more worried about saying goodbye to my teacher than I was about being promoted to third grade. At the end of sixth grade, I was more worried about moving to a new junior high school than I was about finishing up my sixth-grade work. Now, as a senior in high school, the only thing I‘m focused on is getting my work done, because a high school diploma is very important to me.. Add a pandemic that resulted in home learning to all the other distractions of a 17-year-old and you might start to understand how mind boggling my senior year has been.

  I'm required to take classes I have zero interest in but I have to take them to earn the credit. Art is a perfect example. I don't like art. I am not creative. But I had to find materials around my house for projects instead of using what was in the art room at school. That is just one of the challenges I have had from learning from home.

  Probably the biggest issue I have had this year is how hard learning from home is for me because of my family situation, my obligations, and the distractions I face. One day the internet goes out, the next day the computer microphone doesn't work, and for me personally, my camera has never worked.

  Getting connected to my classes is not my only problem. I'm not an only child who has a quiet place where I can do my work without any distractions. Here is a sample of one hour of my day: I usually start school with my little sister, who is 6 years old and in kindergarten, in my room. This can be a big distraction because, like me,she is in a Zoom class, so sometimes I have trouble hearing because her class has music. It’s hard to concentrate on African American Literature when all I can hear in the background is “Tooty Ta” as the teacher gets 12 6-year olds jumping around their rooms. When they're not dancing, they’re all talking at the same time. Sometimes my sister gets excited and screams; other times she cries because she needs my help with her schoolwork.. Some days, I also am watching my baby brother, so I have to make sure he's taken care of while still doing my work. This can be very hard, because he requires A LOT of attention. Imagine writing an essay with a fidgety 1-year-old on your lap wanting your attention and hitting your computer screen. It seems like he has 12 hands as I try to keep him from pounding on the keyboard. I have had to rewrite sentences 5,000 times.

  Family is my next most important priority.I have always connected with babies and little kids. Over time, those connections have led to my younger siblings and my mom depending on me to step in and take care of them on a daily basis. We live in a four- bedroom side-by-side house; and although there are only 3 kids living in the house, I have shared my bedroom with my 1year-old brother since he was a baby. Ourextra room is a playroom. He gets up at least once a night for me to make him a bottle. About three nights a week, my 6 year old sister also comes into my room because she’s afraid of anything and everything, including using the bathroom alone, being in the dark, or nightmares. She ends up sleeping with me. Because I have these close relationships with my younger siblings, they come to me for all of their needs during the day, too--like making bottles, comforting them when they hurt themselves, feeding them, helping them with anything they need, playing outside with them, or just giving them some attention. Since the pandemic my mom is working from home but my siblings still come to me most of the time. Sometimes taking on all this responsibility is what my mother expects and some of it is just because of the relationships I have with my younger siblings. Sometimes I feel proud to be there for them and have them look up to me, but I can also feel overwhelmed, because I tend to put their needs over my own.

  Why did I put expectations for myself last when this is such an important time to stay focused and think about my future? I really want to work toward having my own apartment and eventually someday owning my own daycare or going into nursing. The first step toward that is getting my high school diploma. It all comes back to managing the expectations of what my teachers want, what my family wants, and what I want.

  Managing is not something that I always have been successful at. Over the years, I have missed a lot of school because I have to watch my siblings or I stay home because I don’t feel well. Then, when I returned to school, I felt overwhelmed and had no confidence to seek the help I needed to get work done. When teachers tried to talk to me about my grades, I would get defensive and angry because I felt like they were piling on. One day the principal had a Zoom meeting with a bunch of my teachers and my mom. The teachers were reporting that I was behind on work, which my mom didn't understand and was surprised by. The principal called me out on my lies that I had told about keeping up with my assignments.. I felt embarrassed. In the past, this might have been a time where I just said, ¨I'm giving up.¨ But this time felt different. I'm not really sure why. It might've been me feeling more mature, having a better connection with my teachers, or knowing how close I am to graduating. But this time I decided to put myself first to make sure I can get my high school diploma and move on with life.

  I started showing up for class and extra office hours. I asked teachers for help. And most importantly, I started to get the work done. I became more confident about asking for help and trying things in assignments that I have never tried before. I now feel strongly that I am on the right track to achieve my goals. I can picture myself four or five years from now surrounded by the happy, loud sounds of little ones that parents have trusted me with to keep safe and loved while they are at work; or maybe I’ll be helping sick children feel better.

  I know I am not the only person who has faced obstacles to graduate from high school. There were many times I wanted to give up. But I was lucky enough to have teachers who encouraged me to keep showing up. In the end, I had to do the work; and I had to ask for help. And because of that, I am confident that I am going to get my diploma in two months and go forward with my goals.