In my English class today my teacher asked us to write something about a transformation we went through. I had no idea what to write for the prompt. I guess I didn't want to be cheesy or repetitive, so instead I doodled on the page in class while everyone wrote. But in my chemistry class last period, a classmate next to me asked what I was interested in. He wanted to know if i  played a sport or had a hobby?

He told me of his love for soccer, and all I could think was ‘I can't imagine being that passionate about something’. His eyes lit up and he talked like no one had ever asked him a question before. I'm almost convinced he started talking to me just so he could talk about his winning kick. I didn't find it annoying that he asked me a litany of questions about myself, but then interrupted to talk about himself the rest of the period. It didn't make me upset like it would have years ago to know I have nothing that makes me feel that way.

For some reason while he was talking I thought of the prompt my teacher gave: transformation. I guess I sort of had an epiphany that a transformation or change isn't something we can control or see coming. It just kind of happens. I believe it has a lot to do with growing up and becoming your own person. Learning to ignore the background noise and your parents aggressive jabs, and starting to listen to yourself.

On my way home from school I thought of the boy and his love for soccer. I used to think that you had to have one spark of passion that would burn so fiercely it would light up the entire match box, but I don't necessarily think that that is true anymore. I used to think I needed a talent that made me feel as if I was the best person on the planet, but I would never find anything that would give me that high because I would cut out everything I loved to spite myself. If it wasn't up to my standards of what a proper passion should be then I wouldn't do it.

Perhaps it was because I thought that not being good at a sport was a curse, or not being best in your class was a terrible misgiving. I was punishing myself for not being great, and categorizing greatness as perfection, but I'm slowly learning that if something makes you happy then it is great.

The way my classmate spoke of soccer shocked me because it poured from his mouth without a second thought, and the depth of what he was saying scared me. It made me realize a transformation I went through without even knowing. If my past self would have heard him talking, she would have gone home and tortured herself by looking in the mirror and watching all the different characters float around her. People get hung up on the idea of fitting into certain spaces, and act as though human beings are not complex enough to hold a majority of interests without having a burning passion for one specific thing.

I like to knit and sew, I like to read and write, I like to learn about history and the importance of cultures, and I like to listen to music and pretend to be a barista in the mornings. I don't have one specific interest or place where I know I need to be, and I am finally okay with that. So what I'm trying to say is that maybe the biggest transformation you can make is to transform from someone you desperately want to be to the person you definitely are without wearing a mask.