This August is what summer feels like. Through and through. Usually August has always been the most anxiety-inducing month of the year because of school and stress dreams about math homework. I always felt that August was a month where you mourn the person you were all summer long. Now that school is just out of reach, we all have to lose our wild eyes and tanned skin to become something boring, something smaller to fit in a classroom.

This August feels calmer though, less rushed, and less focused on school. It feels like my skincare sinking into my pores, the sun warming my legs, the sloshing waves, and the soft sound of Beach Fossils playing in the background. This August looks like kids chasing each other with sandy, tanned hands, and pink morning skies matching the healthy flush on my cheeks. It sounds like laughter and hilariously terrible karaoke nights. It feels like chlorine turning my hair green and crispy, and mosquito bites lining my legs.

This summer, I feel like I am drowning in life. I am happy and I am sad and I am perfectly content with each day that goes by. I think I’m in a homey-taking-in-art kind of headspace right now. I try to look at things and see their uniqueness. I try to marvel at the exact coolness of the world. I’ve started to walk more and connect with something other than my cell phone. I have slowed down and tried to do whatever would make me happier. So I walk, and I look at the trees swaying, and I watch cars go by with music blaring from the windows. Sometimes, I just sit on a park bench and watch people. Everyone is so different. I listen to different podcasts and go through book after book. I’m trying to find new things that make me excited to learn. I have experimented with things I never thought I would enjoy. Who knew space was so cool? I go to bed early and wake up at sunrise. I walk along the beach and act like I can hear the ocean through a seashell while I watch the waves calmly wash over the shore. Ever since I was little, I attributed colors to seasons and days of the week, and sometimes even feelings. Most times I assume summer is yellow, because of the sun and its direct correlation to happiness. But this year, I think summer feels blue. A light blue that makes you dream of epiphanies and take deep breaths. It feels like the beautiful blue beach breeze and my beautiful blue signed copy of Book Lovers. The bright blue sky and the very blue rainy days are in tune with my state of mind. Each day seems to be floating lazily, like the wind softly twinkling my blue wind chimes. Each day feels stretched out and relaxed. I don’t have anything to do but cook and paint and write and watch “Stranger Things.” I stopped trying to figure out why I exist and just sat with myself for a while — without a purpose or routine. It makes me feel so much better. I’m not so nervous anymore. I feel like I might float into the school year with a smile on my face, for the first time ever.