We hopped into the blue Ram truck. It still had that new car smell, but is already filled with wrappers and empty bottles. Lane connects his phone to AUX and began to play Sicko Mode, leaning over and saying, ‘‘Lil you like this song?”
“Yeah, it's my favorite” in which I say to every song he plays.
The rest of the ride is quiet. I attempt to bring up the school dance next month, asking “Did you get your ticket yet?”
“Yeah.” I wasn’t thrilled with this answer. I yearned for more. He’s been quiet all week. I can feel the tension between us. It’s never been this bad, especially when we're together. The 30-minute drive feels like hours. I can’t wait to be free of this car. I place my chin in my hand and look out the window. I can finally see it in all its glory. Lego Factory U.S.A.
It’s the biggest Lego factory in all of America. We’ve been talking about going here since we started dating. He’s not excited though. His expression towards me is stern, he can’t even break a smile. We enter the store and to my surprise his friends Jack, Tyler, and Big B are all here too. Lane mossies over to them whispering something that makes them laugh. I stand still, my arms folded and a blank expression. He runs back to me and says “I’m going to go look around with them, I’ll see you in a bit.” Without even letting a word come out of my mouth, he was gone. Never in my 18 years of life have I felt like crying, throwing up, and an inability to stand in a public place. I hold myself up motionless. I have no regard for anything going on around me. My world is spiraling. I feel sick. Darting to the bathroom, I tie my hair up and let it all out. My nightmare has become a reality. I knew this was coming, but now of all times?
An hour has gone by. No texts, no calls. I pry myself off the bathroom floor, placing my hands on the unwashed floor. My stomach weak and my legs trembling. I walk out. I see him. He’s laughing. We make eye contact and he comes to me. His words were not are you ok, do you need a hug, what’s going on, but “We need to talk later.” I didn’t know my heart could fall any further, but surely enough it did. I mumble out “Ok” and he goes back to his group, like a lost puppy finding his owner. I shuffle my way around the store looking at every set in all its glory. I feel no better by this, but my mind has shifted focus. I see this bonsai tree. It’s mesmerizing. I have to have it. I grab it from the shelf and see the $50 price tag. It definitely isn’t worth $50, but I need it. I didn’t bring my wallet with me and there's no way I’m asking Lane to buy this for me. What if I steal it? I’ve never done anything like this before. Should I? Yes, I deserve something to make me happy.
My stomach has a deep pit right in the middle. I catch a glance of Lane out of the corner of my eye and I start to tear up. We’ve now been here for 3 hours. Time feels like an eternity. I cling to my phone like a car to its wheels. I feel numb when the buzz of my phone hits my hand. I lift it up to read “I’m ready to go.” I walk to the entrance of Lego Factory U.S.A. with the bonsai tree still in my grasp. I take a deep breath and one final glance around. No ones looking. It’s now or never. I sprint out the door. My armpits are damp with sweat, and the fear leaves my body. No alarms go off. I turn back for only a second and continue to sprint to Lane's truck.
I see him and every part of me wants to stop. I want to run. I feel sick again. I open the passenger door slowly and hop inside. We sit in silence for only a moment when he leans over and says “Can I hold your hands?” I lift my perspiring hands and move them toward him. My hands tremble with anxiety for what's about to come. He grabs both of my hands with a loose grasp and stares me in the eyes. “Lil, I want to break up.” I feel an immediate wave of relief fill my body. I don’t feel like crying anymore. He looks shocked by my response. I mutter out “No sh*t,” which comes even more to his surprise. His expression looks almost disappointed by the fact that I’m not in tears. “You were perfect, you know that right?” I feel dumbfounded by that response. “Lil I can’t deal with the drama of having a girlfriend anymore. My friends make fun of me all the time and I can’t go a day without my family talking about you. I’m not mature enough for this.” I sit there with a half-assed expression. Lane leans in closer to me. He continues to move closer until our foreheads touch. I can almost feel his heartbeat. He leans in for what I believe to be our last kiss. We continue on for a moment until I pull away. This is it. The last time I will ever be in a car with him, kiss him, or even talk to him. 8 months all gone within the span of 10 minutes.
I maintain eye contact only for a second. I don’t want to ride back home with him. I get out of the truck. He looks more confused than I even know how to put into words. Lane rolls down the window and yells “What are you doing?” I turn around, my hair sweeping off my shoulder and say, “I’ll find a different way home!” I hear his truck start up and begin to pull away. It stops, but only for a second. He’s gone. I feel so free. I don’t even know what to do, my phone dead, and I can’t call for a ride. What if? The shiny red car staring me down is just calling my name. I’m going to steal it.