i'm sorry because I know you because I know your thoughts your feelings your actions i'm sorry because I know you hate yourself more than anyone else could i'm sorry nothing ever gets better and I'm sorry nothing changes and i'm sorry that you're all to aware of this I know you want to give up I know you want to lay in bed and rot I know you want to punch until your knuckles bleed I know you want to scream until your lungs give out and your throat is on fire I know you want to cry until you can't I know you want to carve until there's nothing left I know you want to bleed and bleed some more until your blood is soaking through the bandages and then the gauze and then the tape I know you want to be mean I know you want to be sad I know you want to hurt freely without having to care I know you want to be free from people I know you want to run away from everyone including yourself I know you long for the dark void that is absent of feeling and thinking and speaking and breathing I know you want to lose yourself in the daydreams of things of places of people that aren't real I know you want to create a story for yourself you could actually tolerate i know you just want to be bitter I know you just want to fade away.

I know you want to take those pills and I know you want to take that knife and I know you want to take that bottle and I know you want to use your weapons of destruction to heal yourself even though you know it won't last and then you'll want more you'll crave it you'll beg and you'll give in and the cycle will repeat I know the only way you will find peace is when you're destroyed I know the only way you can live is to die I know that you're holding out and you don't know why I know you stare death in the face and wonder why you don't take his hand just yet I know you look at the blade you use to draw those beautiful red lines and wonder why you don't go just a little deeper I know you look at the bottles in the cabinet and wonder why you don't just take a sip I know what you think and what you feel and how many times do I have to say i'm sorry for you to understand I'm not sorry I don't even want to know you I don't want to know what you think or feel and deep down I want you to give up too.

i'm sorry you hate the fact you ate yesterday and the day before that and the one before that and I know you ask why you give in so much quicker and easier than all the others, why you can't just stick to it why you cant just follow through and that seems to be a popular issue with you because you can never actually do anything you promise yourself you will i'm sorry you can't run fast enough or hard enough to lose yourself or even just the weight not of the world but your own and I'm sorry you can't look at yourself in the mirror anymore I know youll never see yourself the way others do and I know youll hate yourself regardless I'm sorry that somewhere along your path in life you learned to hate who you are what you are that you learned you were bad because who were they to tell you that but either way it doesn't matter this is who you are now and this is who you'll be until you die.

I know you hate yourself I know you hate the way you tic and twitch and say things you don't mean to I know you hate the way you have to crack your fingers over and over until it feels just right I know you hate the way you move I know you I know you more than you think and I'm sorry but not really but i'll say it anyway because what else is there to do now other than apologize because I cant fix this I cant fix you I cant do anything but I'm stuck with you anyway.