My name is Luisa and I am new at this. I signed up about.. twenty minutes ago? I don't know. I read and article about a love experience and some old memories hit me. Do you know those memories that you pray for them to just go away? I am not talking about the bad stuff, I am talking about something that happened in this critical moment of your life and it was so strong that it just changed you? Yeah.
I was at the beginning of my teenage years; I was really shy but in my 7th, maybe 8th grade I started to develop some confidence, or so I thought. And I remember it as if it were today, not a few years ago. You see, my old group had a lot of ''black sheeps'' - everyone was all friendly but honestly, well, let's just say friendship wasn't there. Hey, I am not saying that I was an angel! In fact, I was becoming quite rebellious.
21st June of 2007: last day of classes. In that day (more accurately, in that night) a friend of mine was coming to my town with two more friends. And one of those two knew a girl that was in my old group, and whom I didn't like that much. The point, you ask? By 9 pm we were all together - they, me ,her and a mutual friend. It was only at the end of the night that I really knew that had been some sort of 'triple date', since that girl was supposedly with this guy - Guilherme. Well, I was all about having fun that I forgot he was there. However, later I got a text message from him. I didn't know what to think: ''I'm so dead if she finds out!'' , ''But it will be nice, she will learn a lesson!'' , ''what does he want from me?'', and so on. I can't recall his last message, but I remember he texted ''*'', wich means something like a cute kiss. It moved me.
It (our beginning) was different from everything I had expected: I didn't ask his phone number, I didn't show any interest in him (I only knew he had a girlfriend after a month talking and not because I asked him!) and at some point, we became so close...
I could tell you most of our conversations, they were something else: in July he went to Algarve and he would call me so I could hear the concerts he was in; thanks to him I am now writing this in english, knowing that someone will probably read it - we talked and texted for hours, speaking in Portuguese or in English; he showed me different music styles - thanks to him, I am proud to say I listen to real music, with real feelings; we could talk about soccer and in the next minute he was telling me what life meant to him. My eyes are starting to be filled with tears that just want to pop out.
One day, we were texting and I said:
- Promise that we will stick together.
He said:
- I promise.
A tear, after all these years!
I loved him, as a friend. And I honestly didn't want to ruin what we had.
Besides, I was 'with' a friend of his, who apparently wasn't who I thought - another story!
Next thing we knew was he was having problems with his one year-girlfriend and, on 8th August 2007, we were at a friend's house, having a party, and we kissed. We were both on the couch and he starts looking at me, and smiling.
And I asked:
- Why are you looking at me like that, silly?
- Because I want to kiss you.
And as he was saying that, he as leaning toward me. We kissed, a simple, sort kiss. Seconds later I said:
- No. You have your girlfriend.
- We are not together anymore.
- Don't lie, you still have the bracelet with her name.
He stopped smiling, turned around and, sat, with his elbows on his knees and his head being held between his hands, he stood still. He said nothing.
- Don't you say anything?
- What for?
I couldn't resist him - by that time I had realised he was the one. And I still think that.
I leaned toward him and we just looked at each other. We didn't resist. I couldn't resist him - he was smart and handsome, with a indie but also a surfer look; he had a beautiful smile and gentil brown eyes.
Now comes the sad part - you must forgive my coldness, it was that or burst into tears.
After a couple of weeks he started talking and texting less. For too long I blamed myself for not being prepared for such ending.
Then I went to Lisbon, to spend some days away, before going back to school. There I told him he wasn't being honest with me and that something was going on. We took a time off from each other.
On 21st August 2007, around 9 pm (what a coincidence, I must say), we were having our last conversation, he was saying his last word:
- Aren't you going to talk to me?
- No.
And that was it, he said it and he kept it. He never spoke to me again.
I could tell you how desesperate and I how ridiculous I became.
I tried to find him everywhere; his social networks were gone, no mutual friend I could really talk to...
I still don't know where he is, and I know that I am forgetting more and more details every day, but I never forgot his cellphone number,knowing he probably changed it and hoping one day that I'll have courage to call him, and I won't forget that kiss, I won't... I promise.