The room was dark; I could hear the wind roaring outside as it gave out mists of a chilly breeze. I was lying down in my cousin’s floor all the way in the back of the room where you could barely see me. Suddenly someone rushed into the room so silent that I could hear my own heartbeat. I was wondering who it was, and I guessed the right person it was, Noel, my oldest cousin. He stumbled through his closet anxiously looking for a sweater. As soon as he found it he put it on and told me bye, then rapidly went out through the back door as if he was to be hiding from someone. The first thing that came to my mind was where in the world was he going after my uncle Herib told him that he wasn’t allowed to be outside in such cold weather because his cold could worsen, plus it was already dark outside.
Hours passed when I finally went out the room and stepped into my cousin Omar’s office. He was sitting down watching a movie with my oldest brother Joe, youngest sister Marysol and my youngest brother Fred. Omar then told me that I should stay with them to watch the movie because it was really funny, so I did. Laughter after laughter my evening was turning out to be pretty great and I didn’t want it to end. When the movie was about to be over my cousin got up from the couch and headed towards the kitchen to get us refreshments. At that point my head and stomach started hurting really bad and had a slight dizziness. To tell you the truth the whole scene about my cousin Noel leaving late, sick and without his parents’ permission just put a knot in my throat that gave me anxiety. It felt so weird like something was not right; I felt all this in my chest and throat. I then started to wonder why he wasn’t back already; all he wanted to do is run two miles like he usually did everyday and that usually took him thirty-five minutes, according to his youngest brother. That’s when I started to get a really horrific sensation and I started to worry. My fingers started to shake; my teeth gave a slight chatter every five seconds and I felt this sudden cold pass right by me.
Omar, my super strong cousin, came back inside his office facing down and leaving the door behind him wide open; holding his shoulders tightly and slouching as if he was having a severe stomach pain. This kind of gave me a clue of what had just occurred. I then asked him what was the matter, but he just wouldn’t look at me or reply. I then raised his face and he was crying like a mad man, as if he hadn’t cried in ages. Shaken and afraid I told him, “Omar look at me and tell me what’s wrong? Dude you are seriously scaring me…is it Noel? What happened to him? Tell me!” He just gave me a big hug and with a shaky voice, he whispered in my ear “he passed, he passed away my brother!” I will never forget those words. I wished at that moment that what I had just heard wasn’t true and that my cousin was lying to me. Then there was this complete silence in the room, my brothers had heard the happening and broke down into tears. Feeling very nauseous, sad and mad simultaneously, gave me the strength to let myself fall straight down to the floor with no physical pain whatsoever. Over and over again I repeated to myself this isn’t true, not my cousin there must be a mistake. I kept banging my head to the floor, right at that moment, I didn’t care if it hurt or not I just wanted to make myself believe that it was all a dream. Unfortunately, it was reality and we had to face it.
It was so selfish of me, thinking about my mental and physical pain when my cousin Omar was about to pass out of the sadness that was crushing his heart. We then followed him into the kitchen and just as I pictured it, my whole family collapsed and drowning with tears in the living room. They were groaning and crying with anger. My Aunt Martha, who is the mother of Noel, had fainted; my mom was right next to her holding a cotton swab filled with alcohol near her nose to get her in a conscious state again. There, I saw a lady who seemed very concerned about my family. She was talking to both my Uncle Herib and my father. Later I found out that she was the lady who gives the “news” to families when a loved one dies. That lady worked for the forensic science and she told us that my cousin’s death was really unusual. He had gotten ran over by two cars and not just one. The ironic thing was that when the first car ran him over he was still conscious, however, when the second car did the same…that’s when they took his life.
That day grew longer and darker and I felt as if everything surrounding me collided to a million pieces. I still couldn’t believe this just happened…in my family! Just about five hours ago we were all having a nice reunion dinner on the patio, laughing, talking and singing. Still to this moment I ask myself over again why to him? Was it my fault for not telling on him? It was around twelve at midnight when my uncle started to make phone calls to their siblings and close friends about their beloved loss. Seeing my uncle give such dreadful news to everybody made me cry even more. I could hear the voices through the telephone shocked and louder as they heard the big news. All this went on through the whole morning. Unfortunately, there is only so much sadness one can take that I just had to close my eyes and try to sleep.
I dragged my feet along with my aching body to my aunt’s bedroom. There I found my cousin Ceaser and Omar. Their eyes were swollen from all the crying and it seemed like they had given up on shedding more tears but you could tell right in their red faces that they were in great mental pain. I sat down next to them and told them “Everything is going to be fine and its okay men cry too so there’s no shame in that.” Strongly they looked me in the eye and told me “Noel was the best brother ever, we know that he is now in a better place and he wants us to be strong like him.” With those words, our eyes got teary again but no one said a word and just went to sleep. The next day was no surprise for me either. Everyone in mourning scattered around my uncle’s residence showing their condolence to comfort all my family. That day too, in my family no one spoke a word or ate.
The following days were gloomy and cold. We were still spending the night at my uncle’s house so that my parents could help out my aunt and uncle. The funeral took place on a Monday morning. It was degrading to see my aunt Martha launching herself at the coffin. Seeing everyone in black, sobbing and serious made me realize that my heart was crushed into pieces and that nobody at that moment could feel the emptiness in my soul like I did. I mean I could have saved his life by stopping my cousin from leaving or telling my uncle that Noel had left. What if I did? Would it have made a difference? That kept tormenting me through the nights.
Later that week, on a cold Monday morning, we went back to my uncle’s house to see how they were doing. My mom, Aunt Martha and I were sitting in the living room when all of a sudden we hear a knock on the door. Who might it be? I got up from the couch and opened the door. The funny thing was that I didn’t see anyone. Then something caught my eye…an envelope? I grabbed the envelope and took it inside the living room. My aunt told me who was the envelope for, then I looked at it and in gold letters it said for my family. My aunt grabbed it and opened the letter. As soon as she opened she started to read it. Tears were starting to come down her swollen eyes. At this moment she was speechless. I took the paper from her and read the letter out loud. I swear that was the most beautiful letter I had ever read and seen in my whole life. When I had finished reading it my mom too started to tear up. The thing was that this letter gave us a reason to cry because it was a letter from my “cousin” Noel. The words that I will never forget from the letter were: “hey mom how are you guys? I’m good don’t worry about me I’m here in heaven surrounded by wonderful angels…its beautiful over here. I don’t want you guys to cry anymore , tell my brothers I said hi and that I’m going to miss them”, “Mom I just want to say that I give thanks because God gave me a great mother that I truly love…Oh and Merry Christmas.” With that we all just started to reminisce the good times we spent with Noel. Now I carry the memories of him in my heart every day and give him a prayer every Christmas.