Okay, so I'm not really the kinda girl who'd need a guy to be happy. Or a guy to say nice things or whatever to make me feel good about myself. Or even the kinda girl who'd need a guy, at all, in anyway. I'm just not.

And here I'm, writing this, because I've finally found a guy who makes me re-think my whole I'm-too-cool-and-all theory. Infact not only am I rethinking my so called theory, I have also come to the conclusion that I'm, like any other human as a matter of fact, a cheese-ball. Yes, he makes me very very happy and I love the way he looks at me and I love the way I feel when I'm around him. I do.

Obviously, reaching this point wasn't easy. It's hard letting people in. And no matter what you say, you know it's true. You can be the friendliest person on the face of this earth, the social butterfly or whatever, but it'll still be hard to let some other human, who potentially can tear your heart apart, to just see you for who you really are. It's f***ing intimidating.
I dont know about you, but when it was starting to happen to me, I was like f*** f*** f***. And then a little more of f***, again.

You know, it's very convenient to just shut someone out. I know that, because that's what I've been doing all my life. Just because some relationships didnt work out, I got so obsessed with not letting my feelings show and then slowly I just stopped feeling, at all. And it seems like an easy option, it's not. Once you stop feeling or once you stop reacting and become emotionless, there is nothing human left in you. Because life is not about having everything be perfect and having all relationships work out and reaching destination perfect. I think it's about the journey. It's about the lows and the hard times and the love that gets you through those times. It's about the falls and the stumbles and the helping hand that pulls you out of your dark days. And it's about getting up every single day and not giving up. Not giving up on life and love and mostly in your capability to fight anything and everything.

So, a few days back I thought, I was strong and self dependent and blah and blah and blah. I wasn't. But, today, even though I know I'm taking a huge risk and I'm putting my heart out there, I feel a certain sense of strength that I didn't feel yesterday. The strength that comes from knowing and believing that atleast today, I didnt act like a total coward and I allowed myself to really live life, without fear. No f***ing fear, at all.

So, coming back to the guy, he made me live again, and I can never thank him enough for that. He forced me to get up and keep all my bulls*** aside and just love. And what I have with him is different than what I've had with anyone else. We're different people, yet kinda similar. We dont always agree. I act bossy. He's all egoistic sometimes. I'm stupidly clumsy and yet somehow, it just fits, perfectly. Our experience levels are so different, yet I'm doing something with him that I've never done before, I'm falling in love with him.

And, some would say I'm a fool but I know they only say it because they haven't found anyone who makes them feel like he makes me feel. So, I guess I'm a fool but there is nothing else in this god damn world that I'd rather be right now, than be the fool who loves him. :)