The world will keep turning, time will keep ticking but my mind will cease to move. The shocking realization that I am traveling down the wrong road is baffling. I can’t believe it took three years to realize it. I denied everything everyone told me I disregarded it and rejected it; it took only five minutes alone one day to realize that I am spiraling out of control.
Some days I look to the sky for guidance or assistance but the world keeps turning and time keeps ticking with no solution. I receive “help” form my elders but I always rebuff the assistance. I will never understand why. I desperately want to be my old self and not the boy trapped in a shell of a monster. The most important part in my journey down recovery road is I have to be self-sufficient.
So many people worry about me, so many people try to help me, so many people want me to be successful. But that’s not what I want. No matter how much I disregard the help and the people they still chase after me. It’s like I am in a maze and every wrong turn leads to more and more people. That’s how it feels anyway….
I have always had complications and troubles but I never have realized it. Some days I just can’t believe what I have become, what I have turned into. I look in the mirror and look past my completion to see a monster or what seems like the devil. Looking into the eyes of the monster I see a trapped little boy dying slowly erasing into nothing. The clear salty blood from that little boy fills up the monsters eyes and pours out of my eyes. I know I am a mess but like I said the road down recovery road means I have to be self-sufficient. But no matter what happens to me better or worse the world will keep turning and time will keep ticking.