I didn’t mean to. It just sort of happened that way. You know better than me that I change my mind constantly. I get carried away in the moment and then I want nothing more from you. You are my sister and don’t get me wrong we fight and we hate each other, but it’s only natural for sisters to do that. But at times I love you, I will always love you nothing in the world will change that. I may say things to you and be cold hearted and mean to you, but it’s only the feelings that I have kept in for ages. I am done lying for you to mommy, and making up stories to protect your butt. You are an adult now and as an adult I assume you will have to start acting like it and taking responsibility for your own actions. I know in the past I lied for you, but I was confused then and I wanted to cut you a break, you were going through a rough time and I wanted to help you. But now you need to cut me a break and help me out. Do you honestly think that I can sleep soundly at night knowing that my own sister a couple years ago was assaulted by my own FATHER!? You may have let that go and I don’t know how but I certainly haven’t. I am messed up because of that. I miss him constantly, and right now is an important time in a girl’s life and I don’t even have a father to talk to about things. Mommy thinks you know what that’s like; well I don’t think you really do. He was always there for you, never for me. You at least have a relationship with him all I have are memories that are slowly fading. I know what you must be thinking, then why don’t you go and start a relationship with him? Well my answer is simple, first reason is mommy. I couldn’t stand to disappoint her, and I don’t even know if my father would even take me back or even if I want this.

Also, what happened recently was I don’t really know. I am sorry for that. A lot of things just exploded in me and I couldn’t take you anymore, but no one said that you had to move out by Tuesday! We said that you had to LOOK for a place. If you started looking then I would be perfectly content with that and you can stay until you find a suitable place. I know how hard it is to look for a place that has a good school system and a reasonable price, and on top of that you must feel betrayed by us. I don’t know how exactly and I can’t describe your feelings because they are yours, but I know somewhere in you, you must feel that way. And on top of that I know it is very hard to look for a place when you are under stress. I know how that feels, when they got a divorce she and I had to look for an apartment fast, and it was nerve racking and I had to go to school, and do my homework and do so much on top of it, but I managed. Sure I didn’t have the extra stress of bills but I understood and I still understand, so next time you think that I or no one else in this messed up world understands you think again! And use your head, not to benefit yourself but to benefit others as well, it’s not easy but it is one of those things that life throws at you and you have to learn how to overcome it. You may be thinking well she knows nothing! Well this may be true that I know nothing, but I do know something of how the world works and how to make it in this world. I at least have it planed out, so in a sense I am completely different from you, sometimes I wish I was never your sister, but others like now, I couldn’t ask for a better sister even though you get on my last nerve, and I want to kill you. Believe me, I don’t want to see my older sister fail, I want to see her succeed and be fortunate. I want her to be the best as she possibly can, not failing and gasping for air every time she makes a move. If I could and if I had the strength I would certainly help you, but you have drained me from everything and more so. You are my sister and so much more to me, so I wish you the best, and I have no other choice to give you then just say these simple words. The world is a vast place, and no one succeeds the first time, we all fail, and we all get up at one point but what you yourself have to figure out is how to get up sooner than later…