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Elephant's Memory
Abuse. Physical, verbal, emotional, mental, sexual, and a lot more. this is my personal story about being Abused physically, mentally, emotionally, and verbally daily for a year and a half. He was someone who was supposed to be my best friend. And there's no denying he was for a while. And then, things changed fast. He was suddenly drawing back. It stared when he smacked me in the face for the first time. At the time, I thought nothing of it. As time passed it got worse, and a lot more frequent, for a while it was just an occasional punch or kick, I passed it off as a joke a friendly gesture and nothing more. But, the longer it went on- the worse it got, there was kicking, jabbing, smacking, spitting, punching, throwing, biting,choking, bruising and even leaving me to the point where i could barely move. I don't know why i didn't leave sooner. I can still feel his finger nails digging into my arm calling me a w****, a freak, telling me i might as well kill myself because everyone would be better off- as time grew i began to believe those things myself. I remember the flash of immense pain ad his fist glided into my face- knocking me against the concrete wall. To this day i can feel each sharp flash of pain while he relentlessly kicked me while i was on the ground. Choking me until i was blue in the face and almost blacking out. I remember his fake apologies. I forced myself to believe him because i couldn't bring myself to believe he really was a monster. I couldn't begin to fathom it. Every day i smiled and assured him he was forgiven, then later being faced with so much abuse, then in my room alone at night drowning in tears and hurt. Emotionally and mentally beating myself calling myself a looser, weak, and stupid. I can still recall falling asleep hoping never to wake up again, that way i wouldn't have to face him ever again. I remember having to cover the bruises with make up and hide my true pain from my family and friends. I was terrified. I lived like this for so long until i finally broke down on the phone with my grandma. I got out. And even though the monster is gone. His words and actions will forever haunt me. Even though he's gone. He'll always be a part of me. As much as I would like to pretend it didn't happen I know I can't force myself to believe that lie. The monster absolutely destroyed my self-esteem and self-worth. And I know he's gone, he'll never hurt me again, he's stained into my heart, and I don't think I'll ever be able to forget him. When good things happen we savor them, but eventually loose complete memory of them. When things traumatic like this happen, We all have an Elephant's Memory...
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