My body suddenly starts to feel warmer inside. I watch it very carefully. I smell the bitter sweet smell as it slowly seeps out. Finally it's only me in the room. Me and my sharp piece of glass. Together we could accomplish anything in the world. Even death. We could also accomplish talking me into trying to commit suicide.
I felt like I was finally in charge of my own emotions. If someone tore me down, I had a great way of picking my self back up again.
It was all fun and games at first. But that feeling doesn't last forever. You become ADDICTED. Every thing people say to you that was even the slightest bit negative (or so you thought was) You'd have to do it.
You think being considered an emo is "cute". Its NOT. You think just because your mother didn't buy you those new expensive designer shoes that your life was over. You cried and tore up your arm. For what reason?? It could be 10x worse. You might now have any parents like a lot of kids all over the world. Or it could be worse.
After a few months of this behavior, you begin to realize that even after you act on your strong impulse that it's not magically making your problems disappear. It was just masking your issues until the mask fell off and it looked you in your eyes again.
After being hospitalized for 10months, I myself who was an intense cutter, just had to face the fact that the impulse was just holding me back and adding to my problems.
With growing faith in myself and Jesus I managed to not self injure for 2 months. After doing this for a year and a half.
Even though I'm a very young adolescent, I had to take charge and stop acting like hurting myself was the only way out. I know know its time for me to take on my issues in a mature grown way.
To be honest I never thought I'd come this far in life even with all these road blocks in my way. If I can change my ways, so can you. Just have faith and know that this phase will not last forever.