I used to think happiness is always around, and that those who try looking for it will eventually succeed, for they deserve it. But now, after my, precisely, 17 years 5 months and 3 days of living, I've learned that happiness is not a choice. Some are born with it; however, as we grow older and maturer, happiness still fades, no matter how hard we fight for it.

When I was in kindergarten, happiness was nothing more than having a shitload of fun inside the sandbox. I was satisfied with the least because it was all I knew - the sandbox - I thought it was what the world was all about, and right at that very moment when I was fiddling with sand castles inside the sandbox, I felt I owned the world. I had been the happiest kid compared to the others who were standing outside the sandbox, waiting to take a bite of what completed me.

I got ambitious when I grew older. I learned that sandboxes were not the only facilities in the park that could entertain me - I saw swings. They gave me excitement I could not gain from playing with sand. Sadly, there were only two swings in the park, and I particularly liked the one on the right (perhaps because it was yellow and because it was on the right). You see, people always share the same interests, so I was not the only kid who preferred the yellow swing on the right, there were many others who liked it like I did. As a matter of fact, the more scarce things are, the more desirable they become. Somewhat, the swings became rare - because there were only two swings in the park in total, everyone had to queue up to play, those who were swinging would occupy for a longer period of time since they knew there were many others who wanted what they had - they knew what they had was so precious that people longed to have a share of it. I had waited long enough to just swing on it for a couple of minutes - I got tired of waiting. Even so, I did not give up. I stood there waiting, still hoping it could be my turn to swing on it before Mom came looking for me. Whether I had successfully swung on the swing is not the matter, because either way, I felt truly unhappy for the first time.

Here I am now, seventeen years old, about to finish my last year of high school after this Summer. I am not old, nor wise, but I did go through many things which others at my age never have, and perhaps never will. These experiences have taught me life lessons, they have given me knowledge in different aspects. As much as they have enlightened me positively, they have also broaden my horizon to make me see many other negative things in life. And as my life goes on, I've found that happiness is so much like a light, only it gets dimmer each day as I come across different circumstances.

The more we learn, the closer we are to the world around us. I come to realize the greater diversity of lifestyle we encounter only causes greater desire. But desires are not always likely to be fulfilled, such that, it gives us disappointment. Therefore, the more we know, the less happy we are - because happiness in itself is a rareness that cannot ever satisfy everyone at the same time.

Some years later (after the indulgence in the swing), I went back to the park where I used to line up for the swing. It was late at night, and it was vacant. I sat on the swing and swung like I was a ten-year-old, this time, only knowing that I could never be ten years old again, because I knew that the swing was not the only facility in the park - I saw the monkey bars.