I let the delicious smoke fill my lungs as I greedily sucked, eagerly anticipating the veil of ecstasy and mindless joy it would bring me. And I fell. Deep into a state of mind where time was as sluggish as it was the stream that endlessly passed over me. It was all the same to me now, the hours, the days, the weeks.
Those of you who have never tried the things I have would not know. The burst of colors, beautiful and fantastic colors, which filled your mind and the rampaging hunger that filled your every thought once they faded away to darkness.
When it finally stopped, years had passed. Critical years in my young life that should have brought intellectual and spiritual growth, all spent in an empty void. As I came to my senses and reality took grip of my world, all I felt was bitter regret. I had no one to blame, however, but myself.
It was my fault that I had let my father’s multiple remarriages and my little brother’s superior intellect turn into claws that constantly raked my mind and dragged me down to a swamp of self-pity and depression. My fault for refusing to see that there was so much joy to be had and wonders to be seen in the world that I experienced a mere fraction of.
I am not ashamed of my past self and only feel regret. Who in this world can claim to be truly pure? We all make mistakes, sometimes big ones. But at the end of the day, the thing of most consequence is how you allow those mistakes to change you. And I’ve chosen, to open my eyes and see the world for what it truly is. A wonderful place that allows us to be human.