It wasn’t easy for me growing up in constant fear of life itself. It all started happening when I was in the 2nd grade at Emerson Elementary school. One day in late fall, not too long after the school year began, I was walking to school like I always did, no matter how hot or cold it was. It felt good outside, it was the kind of weather that most people love, with the sun out and a light breeze blowing the colorful leaves around. I got half way to school all of a sudden I stopped and froze in fear. I couldn’t get myself to move. I was terrified and I didn’t know what was going on or what to do. I wasn’t quite sure what I was so scared of. “What’s wrong with me? Am I dying? or going crazy?” I would think to myself. All of a sudden something came over me, I saw nothing, I started getting the chills, and without even thinking about it, I turned around and ran home. Next thing I know I was at home banging on the door begging my mom to let me in. When she opened the door, she could tell I was in a panic. She didn’t know what was wrong or what happened, she was very worried. I couldn’t breathe, and I didn’t know what was wrong with me and why I was so scared. She let me in and let me sit down alone for a few minutes so I could calm down. After about 10 minutes she came up to me and sat with me. She would keep asking me what was wrong and why I was feeling so scared. I had no answer for her.
Immediately she remembered reading about panic attacks in college, so she went and grabbed one of her textbooks from her psychology class and turned to the chapter that talked about panic attacks. It said that one symptom of a panic attack is trouble breathing, sudden fear and often not knowing why. It also said that in some people it becomes a common thing and develops into a panic disorder. I figured I probably just had a panic attack and would be better the next day. I guess I shouldn’t assume something like that. The next week was difficult, I couldn’t get myself all the way to school without feeling scared and having to run home. My mom knew something was really wrong after about the third day. She called and set up an appointment for me with a counselor, because she thought maybe they would be able to help me figure out what’s wrong.
I was scared to go at first, I thought they would think I’m crazy, but I went anyway because I knew it could help. It ended up helping me out and made me feel better that what I’m going through is normal. I felt comfortable talking to them because they understood what I was going through. I started to see my counselor on a weekly basis. Eventually they assured us that I had developed a panic disorder and informed my mom that it would take a great deal of patience to get through this with me. I got on anti-anxiety medication. They made me feel drowsy and dull and I didn’t like it. My mom decided after a week to take me off of them and try to put the time in to help me out with my problem without using medications.
After about a month of being out of school, I decided I was ready to go back. I was a little scared at first, but I knew what was wrong with me and that there was nothing to be afraid of. I asked my mom if she would walk me to school the first few times to make me feel safe. I was so proud of myself when I was finally able to return to school without getting scared. A few days later I was able to walk to school all by myself and be perfectly fine.
Although those times were tough on me and my family, I was able to overcome a big obstacle in my life, and I am still very proud of myself for being able to do so.it took a lot of patience and time but I was able to overcome it. That experience brought me and my parents very close, and still to this day I know that my mom and my dad are the only ones who really know and understand what I went through.
Eventually the panic attacks disappeared and I felt so relieved. I had to go through something no kid should have to go through. I was literally scared to walk out of my own house at times. Ever since that situation ended I had about five panic attacks from 2nd grade until now as a senior in high school. Even though they come back every once in a while, I have the knowledge to overcome them. It’s not easy to deal with something like that but I like to think that maybe it happened to me so that I can help others out, which is something I would really like to do someday. I am so thankful that I had such caring, patient parents by my side to help me out.