There are 365 days in a year, i am 14 years old. I have lived for approximately 5,110 days. I have anger. I'm mad at myself for not being good enough. I am angry at the world for not accepting me. I'm angry, sad, mad, and I'm about to pop. I look in the mirror and think, where did it all go wrong? I keep searching for answers but i have nothing. Two years ago i would've never thought my life would be like this. I want to make my parents proud of me, I want them to show me to the world. I want my grades to be perfect. I want friends who don't do bad things and stick with me through thick and thin. I want to live in a life with God. I want a family that will always be by your side. I want people who don't judge me. I want perfection. I was 100% pure orange juice, Then reality hit me hard and Coca-Cola got mixed into my cup. I was no longer pure.. I should've listened to my parents, payed attention in class, gone to church, pick my friends wisely, and done all the right things. I am a winner, but i only set myself for 3rd place. I put myself in this position because i didn't think i was good enough.


My Wall

It was red brick.
Held together with glue,
Covered with sticks,
Surrounded with hate.
The sky was blue
Day after day
The wall only grew.


I don't know who i am. I want to be this person who everyone likes, but thats what i want, not who i am. I am a girl who cries because things are overwhelming me. I sing in the shower because i think i sound amazing. I hate using spoons. I only love my family. I speak whats on my mind and stick up for what i believe in. I write poems because I can't really say whats on my mind. Why can't i say whats on my mind? maybe its because I'm afraid of people judging me. I will not let my mistakes define who i am. If i pull my life together, i could set things straight. I could pull that Coca-Cola out of my life. Im starting to realize that i can't please everyone. I don't live in a utopia. I can control where my life goes, and i want it to go my way. I am exactly who i was meant to be. God has chosen this path for me and he will continue to guide me towards a perfect life. I can't trust anyone outside of my circle because at the end of the day, i am all thats left. In my eyes, I am perfect. I wear my name with pride. Dear past, thank you for all the lessons. Dear future, I am ready.