For about six months now I have been saving up every paycheck I get in order to save up for a car. I’ve been very serious about it and I even asked for money for my birthday and Christmas, and that’s all I got. All along the way my mom has been telling me that she is going to pitch in whatever money she can to help me out. About a week ago she came to me and said that she won’t be able to give me any money, because she can’t afford it right now. I understood and told her that it was okay. I was completely fine with the fact that I could pick up more hours at work and do it on my own. However, yesterday she said something that really caught me off guard.

Two days ago my mom’s husband came up to her and asked her what color Suburban she wanted because he wanted to buy her one. My first thought was why can they afford to get her a new car, but can’t afford to help me out with mine? I quickly realized how selfish that seemed, so I got that thought out of my head.

The next day, I was sitting on the couch in the dark and quiet living room with my little sister watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, laughing at how stupid people can be. “GUESS WHAT!?” shouted my mom in an excited tone. We all asked why she was so excited and that’s when she said, “Bruce and I are going on an Alaskan cruise.”

I got upset when she announced that. I stood up and started to yell. I was yelling about how selfish that is that they are getting a new car, and going on a cruise, but I am working a part time job at IHOP saving all of my money and not even having my own mom to help me out. I ran to my room, slamming the door, along with three words I never thought I would be able to say to my mom. The words “I hate you” came out of my mouth as I was slamming the door. As soon as the door closed I looked back and started crying. I couldn’t believe that I said that to my mom. I realized that she wasn’t the selfish one in the situation, and that I was the one who was only thinking about me.

I knew I had to apologize but I didn’t know exactly what to say. As soon as I calmed down I walked back out to the living room where my mom was sitting, crying. My sisters were sitting awkwardly and in shock. I looked at my mom, she looked up at me and I immediately started crying again. “I’m sorry” I said as clearly as I could in between cries. That made her cry even more.

I never want my mom to think I hate her. She has done so much for me. She is one of the only people I have in my life that would be by my side regardless of how bad things get, so what made me think I could ever hate her? She came up to me, hugged me, and we stood like that for what felt like a few minutes. I told her I loved her and that I could never hate her.

A little later, when we were both calmed down, she sat me down and explained to me what her thoughts were behind the whole situation. She forgot to mention that the reason they’re going on a cruise is because their anniversary is coming up and he has always promised her that he would take her on a cruise. If I would have known that I wouldn’t have felt as upset. I felt horrible for making her feel like she was choosing herself over her kids. If there was anything I knew about my mom it’s that she always puts us kids first.

I know I can’t take back what I said, but I was able to explain to my mom that what I said was not meant. It was what seemed right at the time because I was frustrated and upset. My mom has been by my side for my whole life and I know she always will be. She and I have been through a lot in my lifetime. It must have been stressful for her as I was growing up with a panic disorder that neither of us knew anything about. My mom is one of the few people that I can honestly say will always be there for me, no matter what, and I love her for that.