You’re a virus, at least in my world. you infect everything, every thought, every moment, everywhere, reminders of you. If i didn’t love you, it would be annoying. Can this other person just leave my consciousness? I see you in little moments throughout my day to day routine. a song i know you like is playing in Starbucks, I see a t-shirt that i think you’d like in the mall, i see a picture online that i know would make you laugh. you are a constant. my constant. so consistent. the only thing i can rely on anymore is the fact that everyday is another one spent thinking about you. i try not to sometimes, not because i don’t want to (in fact, this idea often makes it worse) but because you are the biggest distraction imaginable. i welcome you, my virus. you’re the highlight of my life, you infectious soul. you have no idea how much you plague me.

I awoke in a sudden rush. I was somewhat damp from whatever nightmare I had just drempt. It wasn’t a night mare darling. You were thinking of me again. His voice. Vic’s voice. I had been able to block out his voice for a couple weeks. But now, there it was again, salt in the wound. Holding back my tears, I continued my morning rutiene in a blur, trying to surpress any feelings that had had resurfaced again.

After a full day, I had been able to forget again about Vic, and continue my day. Everything was still a blur. Faces, classes and lessons, nothing stuck to me. Watching Rediculousness on MTV, I had gotten quite comfortable in bed when I heard a knock on the door.
“Sweetheart can I come in” It was my mother. Her midnight azure eyes hid some emotion I could not quite understand. I always thought that my mother was pretty. Softly aging beneath lengthy sun shined hair, her small frame almost seemed engulfed in it. Her concernment had caught me off guard.
“What’s up mom?” I replied
“Listen Shea. Ever since Vic.. you haven’t been yourself. You moping around isn’t like you. You used to be so vibrant, so energized. What happened? If there is anything you want me to do, please tell me. I love you. You are my baby. Please promise me if there is anyway I can help you, or if Dad can.. please. Ever since him, you’ve been acting like he’s just sucked the life-“
She stopped and looked down. Before kissing me softly on the forehead, she whispered “I love you”. Slowly my mother walked out of my light teal room, closing the door behind her.” I can’t deal with this” I thought, reaching for the bottle of ZzzQuil in my dresser drawer. I took the bottle, opened it, and began to pour the medicine into the tiny measuring cup. I wish everyone would just let me forget about it. I never wanted any of this to happen. I have to be honest. The only way I can put my mind to rest is when I sleep. I intook the medicine and laid back onto my twin bed, covered in white and black patterened cotton. Darling you’ll be okay. His voice was back again. Deep and throaty, with a slight rasp. Vic always smoked to many cigarettes. I always tried to get him to quit. Before I could stop myself his image entered my brain. My mind pulled into a warm summers night before school had started. We were down by the old dock, watching the fireflys come out. It was like I could smell the ribs from a nearby barbeque, and feel Vic’s arms wrapped around mine.
“Promise me it will happen July twenty-first” I whisper
“You know I would have it sooner if I was able love”
His green hazel eyes looked down at me. Always found myself in awe whenever I looked back at him. His body was twice the size of mine, muscular from landscaping, but not enough to not be my personal big teddy bear. He had short dark hair that formed into a chin strap and small beard as it trailed down his face. Usually his hair was a dark brunette, but when the sun hit it, the strands took the color of a deep red. His arms wrapped around my waist and he kissed my forehead delicately.
“I’m so excited. I can already picture us now. Us,finally able to move to Oregon. Finally able to catch every sunrise and sunset”
He smiled and looked off to the lake. His eyes glistened with anticipation and delight.
“Yeah” He said, the grin expanding on his face, “ I’m so ready for this.”
Darkness was closing in on his face, the memory rapidly diminishing. No. Please don’t go. You were finally here with me, I could talk to you again. My mind started to spin as the reminiscence vanished and I was left with myself again.
I want you to come home. Home to me again. Again I had to deal with the absence of you. You were the one I was supposed to be with forever. Forever is what you promised me. Me and you, You were supposed to stay here. Here with me. Me with you. You okay love? Sweetheart please don’t have nightmares. I hate to see you toss and turn like that. Wake up love, wake up.
I felt soft lips against my cheek, and I woke with a start. Standing over me a boy with remarkable hazel eyes
“Vic” I choked out
He smiled and pulled me into an embrace.
“ I told you love, It’s always you. It always will be you. I love you till not even death do us part. You are my everything.”
I felt the tears run down my face. I tried to choke out word but I stuggled over syllabols and couldn’t form anything.
“ Shh, it’s okay Lovie. Just come here” He relaxed me.
I inhaled and my nostrols filled with the scent of Old Spice, vanilla and coffee. It was like sticks of inscence were dancing around me clinging on to my clothes and hair strands. I nestled my face into the warmth of his dark Pantera swearshirt. As I inhaled again a light from the hallway turned on, my mother quizzically called out,
“ Shea who are you talking to?”

“No one, it’s just the radio” I called back, jumping up to lock my door. When I turned around he was gone.

“ No” I cried out softly. “ You were here..”
I rushed over to my desk and opened the top drawer. I pulled out a local newspaper article that I had kept in there for a few weeks now. The headline was still the same.
FRAMINGHAM HIGH SCHOOL MOURNS THE LOSS OF A BELOVED STUDENT FROM BOMBINGS.