Who would of thought that I would be the one to have depression? I would. I came from a family with clinical depression.

When I was around eight or nine years old, my parents divorced. My dad had cheated on my mom, and he ended up remarrying very quickly after they divorced, which tore my world apart. I thought that I had lost my family and my dad. My mom remarried also, but unlike my dad she waited a while. It was sometime in the summer when my dad told me that he was getting married to my step mom at our family reunion! Perfect place, right? Not so much. My dad said that he didn’t want to tell me because he knew I was going to make a big scene out of it. Of course, I was going to make scene! That woman was not my mother, and I did not like her whatsoever. I was so angry and upset I just ran away after they were done talking to me and cried. Now I know that it sounds stupid of me to run off and cry, but think about it: the world that I thought was safe and sound was ruined by one person. That’s when my trust with my dad disappeared very quickly. My relationship with my father was never the greatest; it worsened after that. He would never listen to what I had to say; it was always about my younger sister. She was the one who liked all the sports and played the same instrument he did. It was a bunch of crap. I don’t talk to him very much anymore, and I stopped seeing him about a year ago.

After my dad remarried, my school life started to become just as crappy as my home life. Being bullied is not the greatest feeling in the world. I was more emotionally bullied than physically, which I think being emotionally bullied can cause more damage. I was in about eighth grade going in to my freshmen year of high school when this girl, who I never really liked to begin with, decided it would be fun to pick on me. At first I blew it off thinking that it was no big deal, until she did it every day to me. I told my mom about it, and she was really upset like any mother would. When we were younger, this girl and I were friends. This kept going on until my mom had finally had enough and went to her parents and told them what was happening. I was embarrassed because my mom had to fight my fights for me, but it’s what mothers have to do sometimes to help their kids when their kids won’t help themselves. The girl was nice to me from then on up until her boyfriend and I became friends. That’s when my nightmares of being rejected, judged, and lonely became a reality.

In my depression it drained all my emotions. I didn’t feel like doing anything. I just lay around and, well, moped around. When I was struggling with depression, I sometimes thought of suicide or cutting, which some teens do. Depression made me feel worthless and like an outcast. The red and white embedded scars on my wrist and my hands and legs are still visible. I still don’t fit in with my peers; I never really have. I’m not popular; I don’t do sports; I’m a band geek, and that’s about all I am. Because of all the pressure of fitting in and having the bad relationship with my dad, depression started knocking on the door saying, “Let me in!” All my emotion started to leave my body. My depression worsened as the years went on.

Dealing with my depression was one of the most difficult times I have had to faced so far in my life. Even though it was the toughest, I fought through it. I went to a shrink who has helped me enormously with my depression. My mom, my family, and my friends helped me a huge amount also. Now I am doing better than I was a few years ago.

Some people are lucky; they don’t have to deal with depression. Sure everyone gets sad and upset, but it’s when the feelings of being worthless, not wanted, or the feeling like no one cares that’s when depression starts to set in.