Nauseating. It’s like being choked while still being able to breath. At first I couldn’t believe what I had just been told. And for a long while, I tried to ignore what I knew was true. I hoped to hide the hole in my heart. The hardest part was finding the courage to tell people. What would they say? What would I say? And no I’m not coming out.

Moving may not be the most difficult thing, but it darn well ain’t easy. When my parents told me we were moving to Michigan, my first question was “Why?” My grandfather had Alzheimer's and his condition had worsened. I was never close to him, or any of my family there, which only made me more bitter, frustrated, but overall guilty. Guilty that I didn’t care more about a member of my family. My life being separate from theirs affected my view on family.

My life changed dramatically my first years at Arrowhead. I discovered my passion for music, I got through rough times in my life, and I made my first lasting friendships. I don’t plan much, but I had plans for junior year. A number I’d direct for Music Theater Nights. A class I’d take with a friend. A girl I’d take to prom. All that ripped away by fate like a bandage leaving me to tend to my open wound. Alone.

My grandfather died in the Fall of my junior year. In the end, moving out there only let me see him three or four more times than I would have had we stayed. I had new experiences at my new school. My first high school musical lead. First real girlfriend. First kiss. But I could never stop comparing it to how things could’ve played out here. What that lead would be. Who that girl would have been. How that kiss would have happened.

My Eighteenth birthday was celebrated over the summer. My parents gave me the option to come back here. And so here I am.