I like boys. I like people who say bad things but don't mean them. I like drawing with my finger on velvet couches. I like how my legs feel when I wear shorts in bed. I like sticking my finger next to my nose and turning sideways so people think I'm a nose-picker. I like standing on chairs to see what it feels like to be seven feet tall. I like to put chopped almonds in my yogurt and pretend they're chocolate chips. I like sitting on beanbags and pretending I'm sinking into jello. I like standing in front of the mirror and drawing pictures on my reflection. I like writing fake newspapers that nobody ever reads. I like falling asleep on the sidewalk amidst my creative street-chalk drawings. I like eating anchovies and pretending I'm a shark. I like singing so badly that I think I'm good. I like it when boys wear sandals and knee-high socks because it makes them look like hospital candy girls. I like sticking my arm through the end of a Styrofoam cup so it looks like an Astro-Boy bracelet. I like farting in public and blaming it on my neighbor. I like the sound of people playing cards on a dull Sunday. I like going to church and pretending I'm a choir singer. I like scrubbing big metal pots with rough sponges so I feel like Cinderella. I like building forts in my living room and telling my mom it's summer camp. I like painting with glue. I like it when Carrie makes strangled noises with me. I like the way people talk when they're happy. I like pulling out my hair and sticking it under a microscope to see the split ends. I like paper that feels bumpy. I like trying to copy other people's handwriting. I like songs that don't have words. I like putting baby oil on the kitchen floor and trying to ice skate. I like commercials about carpets. I like the sound my shoulder makes when it pops out. I like cooking things that might smell funny. I like practicing cradles and basket tosses on my bed. I like talking to myself while I'm in the bathroom. I like computers that have cameras. I like when nobody has any idea what I'm talking about.

I hate my face. I hate girls who stick out their bums and have big egos. I hate when the only way a boy can see a girl is through a camera. I hate exams. I hate Silly Putty. I hate hurting myself. I hate when the bus leaves and I have to chase after it. I hate when people change their voices when they're saying something important. I hate when people cry and I can't help. I hate movies that have Hugh Jackman in them. I hate when I'm drawing in pen and I mess up so I have to start all over again. I hate watching scary airplane movies before I go on a plane. I hate the sound of car engines. I hate myself. I hate short pencils. I hate the feeling of jeans on my legs when they are damp from the shower. I hate skiing socks that have itchy stuff inside them. I hate eating mushrooms because it feels like I'm eating intestines or something. I hate feeling like someone's watching me. I hate people who purposefully try not to understand. I hate Starbursts because they taste like candle wax. I hate not knowing how to light a fire with a gas lighter. I hate typing something and then forgetting my next line. I hate when people sing a song that I thought only I knew. I hate raisins that look like boogers. I hate chewing gum. I hate people who think they're the Queen of India or something. I hate art that makes too much sense. I hate art that doesn't make any sense. I hate printers that can't connect to my computer. I hate pens that run out of ink too fast. I hate when I'm doing homework and a good movie comes on but I really want to get my homework done. I hate when I forget to use the restroom before class. I hate nights with no end. I hate things that make me admit I'm human.