May 11, 2014

To my once True Love,

Before I begin this long, drawn out goodbye just know that I write this with a heavy heart. As much as it pains me to be saying these words I know they must be said in order for me to truly move on and be happy. I can honestly say I have loved you from day one. That very first day I laid eyes on you I knew. It might sound crazy and maybe it is but that doesn’t make it any less true. Whether you knew it or not I saw you as perfect. No matter how many times you messed up my feelings never changed. I had set you up on a white pedestal and convinced myself that you could do no wrong. For years I waited on you, on us but things never seemed to get better. In fact, they got worse. Time after time you shamelessly let me down and I am sure you never even once felt bad about it. Time after time I came in second place to everyone else. You most likely didn’t know either. I never told you because I feared that if I did everything between us I had worked so hard to make would come crumbling down around me and you would just simply walk away as though it never happened. The ironic thing is that I never said a word. I didn’t have to because you tore those so carefully built walls down all by yourself. I spent too many nights crying over you when you had no idea what was going on. Even if you did I’m sure you wouldn’t have cared. That’s the thing about you, you simply don’t care. You never have and as much as I know you probably never will I sure hope you do. I hope one day you know what it feels like to be walked on, lead on, lied to and let down by the person you care for the most in this world. Not only are you the king of not caring you are also selfish which is a deadly combination. The only person you really seem to care about is yourself, no one else. Arrogant is also another fitting word to describe you. The saddest part is that I knew exactly how you were and yet I still chose to ignore those flaws for so long. You see, that is what love does to you. I refused to see you as anything less that the perfect guy for me. I think a part of me will always love you no matter what. Not a thousand fights or goodbyes would end up making me care for you any less. This is why I am finally throwing in my cards. After almost a decade of lying and poisoning myself with my love for you I am letting it all go. Everything you meant to me will so be but a distant memory, like faded scars that tell a story. I wish you the best with all of your future endeavors but I no longer ache to be a part of them. Pick and choose what you want to believe but I know within my heart that no one will ever come close to loving you as much as I did. It’s a sad thing to say but it is true. For so long I tried so hard to make you see me the way I saw you or to even just get you to see how I saw you but it was all to no avail. After so many years of sticking by your side I never would have imagined you could painlessly walk out of my life as fast as you walked in but you did. By doing that you proved all of my worst fears to be reality and show just how much I had ever meant to you. As much as I hate you for doing it I am glad that you did because otherwise I would have continued to pour my love out to someone who was far less than deserving. I am wiping my slate clean. I am starting over and this time I will not start over with you in the back of my mind. For the first time in years I am truly free.

Sincerely,


Me