Through all my life I experienced oppression by society. Ask any girl of an acceptable age (13ish) when was the first time she felt violated by her gender role. This could mean anything from having a point you made in a group discussion overshadowed by something someone says, or something more awful, either way women experience it. It happens early, it happens often. For the first 16 years of my life this is how I experienced and thought about the world. I saw myself as a woman who, when being pushed into the mold society set as a standard, would never fit. And then I started to think that maybe this wasn’t the case, maybe I wasn’t even a woman at all…

Gender has been a thorn in my side my entire life. It’s something I couldn’t understand, something I didn’t want to understand, something that If I’m being honest I probably understood better than anyone. A quote by Oscar Wilde says, “ Every woman is a rebel, and usually in violent revolt against herself.” When I first read this quote it resonated very well with me. Not that I agree with it, or disagree with it, I just understand it. women who are oppressed must revolt against whatever is holding them down in order to have their freedom and way to express themselves as they choose. But since, in many ways women aren’t supposed to revolt and break out of the boxes they're kept in, this is an act of rebellion itself, the choice to revolt. I am a gender neutral biological female. My entire existence of the moment is in constant revolt against itself. Strangers see me and think I’m a girl. People who don’t know me see me and think I’m a girl who doesn’t want to follow the gender roles of society. My friends try to understand what is going on in my head but I don’t know how many of them really do. Sometimes it feels like my mind and my body are at war. They disconnect and I can’t escape from either one. Both, fighting and revolting against what everyone tells them they should be.

There is a relevant quote from the TV Show, The L World, “We don’t need to change women to fit the world, we need to change the world to fit women.” I (as many young girls do) went through a very harsh phase of strongly disliking myself in every way. I thought my body was too big to be the willowy, slim body that models all over the world possess. I also didn’t know how to express myself, my emotions or my thoughts because I want to be heard and I want my voice to move people but I never figured out how to see past the elephant in the room, it would be much harder to have the same voice in our society as a man does. Coming out gave me so much more confidence in my freedom to express my differences from the way other people wanted to see me. I didn’t have to fit into the box you put females in, because I’m not a female. Girls, however, should not have to change genders in order to feel secure with themselves. I still very much consider myself to be a feminist. I know what it feels like to be oppressed as a female and I also feel oppressed being in my female body. People are constantly assuming what is happening in my head and connecting that to my physical appearance. This is female oppression, our society taking away my freedom and individuality because of the boxes it’s set for genders. I don’t blame the individual, I blame the world that lead us to think that way.

I want to think about the quote from earlier, “We don’t need to change women to fit the world, we need to change the world to fit women.” I want to take this a few steps further. We don’t need people to be trying to change fundamental parts of themselves to appease the culture, we need the society and world we live in to change and appease us. In this way every women would not have to be a rebel in violent revolt against herself. Every man wouldn’t have to feel their respective gender roles closing in on them, and children would have the right to decide for themselves where they fall on the gender spectrum no matter what biology dictates.

So often I’ve heard a girl say, “I’m not a feminist or anything but I don’t actually think that men and women are equal.” Or something else along those lines. I feel free to tell people that I’m a feminist because it’s about equality and nothing more. Girls think that as soon as the utter the words “I’m a feminist,” they’ll turn into a man hating, bitter, 30 year old, bra-burning lesbian (I mean you could if you wanted to). Being a feminist is about equality and nothing more. Whether it’s fighting for it, or silently believing in the cause. Woman who make this seem bad are adding to the oppression.

The way I feel about gender is simply this, it’s all on a spectrum. When I tell people that the way I identify my gender isn’t a big deal and doesn’t change anything about me, it is a lie. My gender fully controls me and is such a big part of who I am as a person. And not only is this true for me, it applies to everyone. Gender is such a fundamental part of our society and dictates so strongly how we are supposed to function. You either spend your time trying to fulfill that role, or pushing against it. I am fighting for a world where gender can be a large part of your identity but says nothing to weather or not people feel a certain way about who you are. Gender is a spectrum, and when people start to realize that they and everyone they know are on it, the world will being to change.