I think in another world, in another era, I could be attractive.

In today’s world, I am nothing.

I don’t fit into super-skinny, figure-hugging, size two jeans. I don’t have a super “rockin’ bod” and I am not particularly slim, either. I don’t have a sizeable chest or backside.

I am not attractive. Not by today’s standards.

For the longest time, I wanted to be “attractive.” Every time I went clothing shopping, I tried desperately to fit into size two skinny jeans and was almost never successful. Shirts have always looked loose and baggy on me because there is no support to hold up the shape of any top.

And for the longest time, I was disappointed, frustrated that I could never be “attractive.”

Soon, though, I began paying more attention to what society thought was attractive. Every rap song was about big butts and chests, and clothes seemed to get skimpier and skimpier. Pop culture seemed to be encouraging this new vision of attractive. I wondered, is that all a woman is? Is she just her body? Is a woman nothing more than something to toy around with, to have sex with? Why were women being so fiercely objectified, day in, and day out, in a “modern” society?

It was hearing songs about figures like coke bottles and big butts that I realized I did not want to be that kind of attractive, nor conform to objectification. I was more than my body, and I needed to appreciate myself, the way I was.

Audrey Hepburn. She was, and still is, a classic beautiful. What happened to that kind of beauty? Simple, elegant, drastically more attractive than the models of today’s standards, Audrey Hepburn was a totally different kind of attractive. Not only was she stunning, she had heart, a passion for service, and was also intelligent.

I decided that I wanted to be that kind of attractive. I wanted to be stunning, like Audrey, in my own way. I refused to be a ditsy stick with too-big-for-me assets on my body.

No, I am not perfect. My curls can be ridiculously unruly most days, I have terrible acne, a gigantic nose and an unusual jawline. I certainly would not make any modern day rapper happy with my looks. But I could care less. When I want to be, I can be an Audrey Hepburn kind of beautiful, a classic kind of beautiful.

I have a decent intelligence level. I’m a “nerd.” I love serving my home, school, and community, and I love making people laugh. In my own respect, I am a different kind of beautiful. I don’t care if no member of the male species does not find me attractive; I am attractive to myself, and I will never subject to objectification.