Don’t get tricked, it's all an act!

(If you ever read this story you'll just want to jump out of the window after you finish it especially if you have a crush on a Cancer girl or if you have a Cancer girlfriend.) You should never date a Cancer! I am an Aries and I have been living with a Cancer for almost 20 years. If you’re somebody that likes girls who are actually clean, someone who’s pretty, nice, smart, or any other features that you look for in a girl…. then I’m pretty sure that these kind of girls are definitely not the kind of girl you would want to date. Why? Because it’s not worth it and I'm scared that you'll get stupid along with her if I don't stop you now!

Female Cancers don’t understand the world. They’re always living in their own world. When you talk to them, you would need to wait somewhere from 10 to 15 minutes until they reply every time. If the sky was about to fall, they’ll move slow like a turtle (or maybe even slower), then suddenly they move really quick. Last time I had a mosquito bite and I accidentally touched this female Cancer’s hand with my arm, it was silent for about 1 minute and suddenly she shivered and she screamed. I was shocked and annoyed by that voice. I wanted to punch her. I asked her why she was screaming while her face got all red and wrinkling. She said something about her getting infected and she needed a needle to get the poison out. IT’S JUST A MOSQUITO BITE! WHY ARE YOU SO SCARED THAT YOU’RE GONNA DIE JUST FROM A LITTLE BITE?!

 Cancers are all two faces. They act all nice and kind outside; but when they’re at home, they get crazy, especially the way they laugh. This Cancer’s posture always makes me irritated. When she laughs, she’s no different than a monkey, she would have her rear end titled up and her body leaned forward and starts jumping. When she cracks up she would cover her mouth because she knows that she has those mucky teeth (I don’t know why, but she reminds me of a frog). When she runs, her mom would say that she runs slower than her grandma. She would have her feet face outward and run with her hands dangling; but that’s only when she at home. When she's outside, she would never do that. She would always act like she’s normal (even though we all know that she’s not). She would always have this “daily routine” she needs to do. First she fixes her glasses, then she touches her hair, and after that she would wipe her nose. At night when she goes to sleep, she would have this “before I go to sleep routine”. Sometimes when she hears somebody coming upstairs, she would quickly turn off the lights and run to her bed. I would always be like,  “Yeah, nice act."  Then, she would say, "Thanks."

Everyday, she would say a lot of words, but I have no clue of what she's trying to say. That happens like almost everyday. Wait, no. It does happen everyday and every time when it happens I tell her mom that and sometimes I would have this I-don’t-like-you face on and she would curse me back (but with no sound coming from her mouth). I never argue with her because I don't and won't argue with someone like her. I just want to throw up when I see the dull gaze in her eyes.

Special note: yes, this is for you; the one of a kind Leo who’s dating that one of a kind Cancer.