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It may have happened long ago but I still remember. I remember the fighting, crying, and all the pain. I was little and confused, I always wondered why my parents where fighting, yet, others didn't. The fighting mostly took place at night. I remember I would lie in my bed and hoped that my sleepiness would take me away from all the yells. It was a hard time in my family. I was just 6 or 7 at the time and didn't really get what was going on at first, but my sister did. She was about 10 or 11 and understood life more than me. In my familly I was always the one that wanted to now everything and I always got me or others in trouble because of how much I loved to explore and break the rules.

That day that I don't remember much since it was long ago. The day it all changed, when my kind dad moved out, my mom grew tougher, my sister cried and cried, she was sensible, and I was still procesing everything. At fist I thought maybe things would stay the same, that I would still randomly visit my dads office and play around the halls selling candy I brought from home. “CANDY, CANDY!”, I used to yell through the halls. I also thought that we will still all go to the old, yet fun dog park, and run around chasing our dogs, but I was wrong. We didn't see my dad as much as i though. We lived in my moms big house, and sometimes on the weekends we went to my dads little counfy appartment to stay until monday. It was always one weekend with my mom and the other with my dad, but we lived monday through friday in my moms since she has a house and my dad just usd to have a 1 room apartment.

I remmember we would always eat as a family when I came home from school. We used to laugh all the time and talk about how me and my sisters day at school had gone and how my parents day had gone at work. We all sat around a round glass table with just silver poles holding it up. The chairs where counfy and the cushons where green, the back was just a silver swirl. In the ceiling there was this half-sphere light, since its hollow in the middle a lot of moths and flies used to rest up there before someone noticed and chased them outside. All the memories I have of that are mostly  just happy blurres. I was a very happy child, I lived in a very nice house, had tons of toys, a family that loves me, a sister, clothes, food and anything I could ever dream of. I used to get in trouble a lot with my parents before the divorce since I was very courios and adventurous. I didn't care what anyone else thought or said and just lived my life how I wanted. Even through all the bad things I used to do my parents always said it was ok and gave me the punishment i deserved. I was thankfull for what I had, yet I was very selfish. I always wanted all the toys and everything I could find that was nice. Me and my sister had our good and bad moments, I only remmember the good ones, but my mom knows all the bad ones.

“Its complicated” my mom used to tell us when we asked why it happened. I don't remmember much but one thing i remmember is my sister sitting in my moms lap crying, I always try and not cry infront of other people but since i'm so sentimental I sometimes just can't help it. As a kid I always watched others, even though it sounds creepy, I was always watching otherfamilys playing and enjoying things while I sat around my 3 girl family and wondered “why it had to be me? Why did I have to have the incompleate family and my friends didn't?”. I eventually got over those thoughts since I knew there was no way to bring my family back together. My mom and dad lost they're click they had found long ago before I was born. They found they're differences and drifted more and more appart by the day.

There where always those days at night where it was all too much for me to handle. I used to sometimes cry myself to sleep, no matter how hard I tried sometimes I couldnt keep it all in. When my mom punished me for doing something wrong, being that little kid I cried and she used to tell me not to cry. It was probably becasuse it made her feel bad but I used to think it was because it was wrong to cry or maybe it was just me telling me “I need to show no weeknes and keep being strong”. There where also thos times where my sorrounding made me feel sort of sad, but I always make my best to put a smile on my face because I hate it when others look at me in pity. I always make myself think that it doesn’t bother me, that its no big deal my family is different than others. But its not true, it tears me appart to know that I wont be like others, most of my life has been hoping my parents would someday push those differences away and just focus on what they have in common. But that day has still yet to come. My mom sometime in my life found someone she liked, maybe even loved. She asked us if it was ok to date him and as ussual my sister cried, then I cried and we where all a big bundle of tears. But we said it was ok, that if she was happy we where happy. That was the moment I realized I needed to stop being the selfish little brat I was and start to think more about others feelings. I grew up liking the guy she was dating and he was really nice. Somewhere along the way my dad found somone he liked. When I first met her she was really nice and we grew up liking her too. She taught us a ton of new cooking things. Along the way my moms boyfriend gave her a ring although I had no idea what it meant. But not much after he got sick, my mom told me it was sometype of tumor. He was really nice and gentle and also had a son wich was pretty exiting.  After all that was over they decided to take some time away from eachother to re think things out. For my mom it was way to much for him to have the possibility to get sick again. My dad ended up breaking up with his girlfriend because of problems with kids. Some hopes of them coming back together creeped up on my mind as all of that happened. It was kind of stupid I thought that because life is not like the movies. Sometimes in life you just have to sit down and remind yourself not everything is possible and theres not always that happy ending. That its not like the Parent Trap movie, its real life. I spent so much time in my head with dark thoughts I always had to fake a smile, fake being happy and perfect like if nothing was wrong. The only thing that made me smile was actually music, I love to sing and act. I like acting because you can pretend to be someone you're not, you can pretend you're someone perfect and take away all of you're flaws. I got used to faking a smile and pushing all sadness aside as best as I could. Sometimes I didn't even have to fake it, and the though of that always made me smile. My friends where a big reason of my smiling, they made me laugh and have fun.

A lot of my traits are because of that time where things wherent happy. I'm shy because of how my mom and I used to fight and I learned that saying nothing at all doesnt make it worse so I just didn't talk a lot. I have trust ishues because of how my mom and dad had they're problems I always had this problem of trusting the wrong people. My love of reading comes from being able to transport to a different place, I love the idea of reading and expiriencing someone happy ending even though its not my own. I love music since it takes me to different places and I just love getting lost in it. I like acting because its something I always did as a kid and still do now. I'm independent because since my dad moved out and my mom seemed to work 24/7,  I did my own homework sometimes, and always did my own thing.

I have learned that no matter what happens my mom, dad, sister and me will alway be a family. Even though I don't get to see my dad as much we all still talk and I have to be gratefull for that. People arent as lucky as I am to at least get to see both of they're parents be friends after a divorce so i need to appreciate that.