It’s like there's a constant grey fog drifting through my head. I can’t make up my mind. I can’t stay mad.I’m forgetful. I’m a welcome mat. I allow people to walk over me when rainy and muddy. I’m always there for people even if it makes me “dirty” in the end. Do you ever bring in the welcome mat when it’s too soaked to function? No. Probably not. You leave it out to dry, you buy a new one. See I’m that welcome mat, I’ll always be there for a person 110% but its never mutual. I’ve been disposable so many times im used to it.

I wish I could be stronger. I wish I could stand up for myself, but in the end I’m afraid to hurt the people who have hurt me the most.

I’m stuck in my own dysfunctional labyrinth. I pile away all the pain, the hurt and the fear and place it into a deep dark corner. If I don't think or talk about it maybe it was all just a bad nightmare and didn't actually happen. Theres one downfall to this, every once in a while I make a wrong turn in this labyrinth. I lose my spot, and end up in that dark haunting corner. By then its too late to get out and run. All of those bad memories and feelings come rushing back.

It’s easy to paint a smile on, to laugh at a joke. It’s easy to pretend everything's okay. Fooling people isn’t the hard part. The hard part is those late nights, those long showers, the times that you're left with nothing but the voices in your head. They second guess everything. They overthink everything. Those are the nights when everything you do, or everything that has happened is somehow wrong. Thats the world comes crumbling down.When morning comes you have to get up. You have to hope that today will be better. Maybe the world will be on your side today.If you can stay strong for 24 more hours maybe itll work out. If it doesn't get better what's another 24 hours, eventually it will get better.