When I was younger, I didn’t always understand what was going on and why it was happening. I heard the terrifying screams and crying but couldn’t understand what they were about.

When my parents got divorced, I thought I was alone. I would go to my friends’ houses, and both their parents would be around. Everyone would eat dinner together or play games, and I would sit there dreaming about being part of a family like that. My family was so torn apart, and I didn’t know why. I just wanted to have a normal life.

The judge gave my mom custody, and my father was allowed visitation on Wednesdays and every other weekend. Over time, my two siblings and I started seeing our dad less. By the time I was 11, I had developed a hatred for him. He told us that he didn’t need us anymore. “I have two new kids who are better than you,” he said. Those words haunt me to this day.

When I got home that night, I raced up to my room and slammed the door so hard you could feel the foundation shake. I blocked his number from my phone and deleted all his pictures. I wanted no reminder of him in my life. I couldn’t even bring myself to call him Dad. I referred to him by his first name, as though he was a stranger.

I thought the divorce would end my parents’ issues, but 12 years later it seems like they bicker more than when they were married. Once a month my mom is in court fighting for child support and insurance for us. If I get sick I can’t go to the doctor because we have no insurance. It hurts so much to know that my father knows this but does nothing.

After 15 months of going to court and not getting him to pay any child support, my mom, her lawyer, and the judge had finally had enough. They took the man who was once my father away in handcuffs. It was one of those moments that is so unimaginable you feel like it can’t be happening.

•••

My stomach dropped. I thought I was living in a nightmare when he said, “Hi, Nana,” and reached out to hug me. Questions ran through my mind: How’d he get out of jail? What is he doing at a high school football game? He looked so different – receding hairline, new glasses, and a huge beer gut. As I made my way back to my seat, I felt nauseated. I wanted to sink into the ground.

When my mom came to pick me up, she knew immediately that something was wrong. After I told her, she said simply, “Don’t worry about it. Just get over it.” How could I get over this? My father left my life and told me to leave his, and now he suddenly wanted me back? How could I ever trust him again?

I sat in my room for hours thinking about what my mom had said, when, out of nowhere, it clicked. It finally made sense to me how she managed to stay strong through everything. She didn’t allow what was happening to get to her. My mom wasn’t going to let my father ruin her life, and I shouldn’t either. Although there may be bad things in life, there are also good. I just have to give the good the power to overcome the bad.