Dear future self,

As you are reading this, you are probably pulling your hair out because of the Calculus exam tomorrow while cursing at me for putting you through hell. In which case, I am so sorry. Or if you are lucky enough to live through earthquakes, car crashes and Walmart Black Friday sales, you’d be sitting in your tiny wheelchair in a nursing home with people who are probably just as crazy as you, while combing your last piece of existing hair. In which case, good job, you made it. I always knew you were worth it.

You might not remember your brilliance, so let me remind you. Over the years, you’ve really excelled in climbing through windows. With the memory capacity of a goldfish, you’ve successfully adapted to constantly forgetting about your keys. Then there you stood, with one leg through the blinds and one leg half hanging from the window, like a moth struggling to fly in a puddle of superglue. Exposed to the judging eyes of the public, you then tried to wiggle your way into the house, bumping your head on the frame two times before finally rolling onto the cold wooden floor of heaven. You see? A real talent.

Life in 2015 is wonderful. It is the love child of stress and expectation. Expectation is the person who never pays at the dinner party. It is motivating and soul-sucking. To be great, to be successful, to be rich, to be beautiful, and so many other to-be’s that cannot be written down with a 2B pencil are the real reasons to live. Somewhere down the line, however, you’ve forgotten how to live. Luckily, I am here to present you with a solution. Remember, life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent what you eat. Extra-large pepperoni pizza is the real key to success. It works 100% of the time. Except when it doesn’t.

I may not know you very well but I know one thing: life isn't so hard. Whether it’s being locked out of your own house or being punched in the face by a samurai named expectation, you’ve somehow made it through them all. Keep digging through life like a mole because there is absolutely nothing to fear in life. Except, of course, Walmart Black Friday sales. You’ve been warned.

Much love,

Your past self

P.S. One day you should hop on your time machine so we can talk over a few bottles of apple juice like adults do. Maybe one day.