Today’s the day, first varsity game of the season, but for me it’s the first softball game ever. My first game being a varsity game leaves me to be quite anxious, wishing I wasn’t sick with bronchitis during my first JV game. I still am puzzled why I play varsity and JV since the first time I ever touched a softball was 2 weeks ago at the beginning of the season. Still I will trust my coaches’ judgment and play in this varsity game. The early dismissal from class to get ready for the game causes excitement yet anxiety for me.

  On the bus heading to Brandywine I am still nervous about the game. To calm my nerves I think about the fundamentals I learned at practice .  The one thing that was shouting the loudest in my mind was one my coaches commonly said “ don’t be afraid of the ball, that’s why you have a glove.” Its simple yet effective, it was helpful in practice and I’m hoping it will continue to be during the game. The bus now slows down to a stop at Brandywine, “ALRIGHT LADIES LET'S GET EVERYTHING OFF THE BUS AND GET ON THE FIELD” shout the coaches. As I help carry the equipment to the field as my heart pounds a little bit harder with every step I take closer to the field.

Once we get the equipment to the field and our cleats and gloves on we begin warm-ups. First stretches, then running across the outfield twice, then throwing with a partner and finally a few practice hits. The game then begins and I’m relieved my coaches weren’t crazy enough to have me in the starting line up. After all, I am just a little freshman.  As the game begins I study the players of both our team and the opposing team, hoping to quickly refresh and possibly learn new things before coaches decide to put me in. Just as I begin to feel relief watching the game my coaches put me in as a substitute when our team is up to bat again. Instantly I felt anxiety shoot into my stomach. I watch the batter list get shorter and slowly approach my name, three more batters ahead of me, two, one and now it’s down to me.

I place a helmet on my head, pick up a bat and approach the plate as my heart begins to pound. Before stepping into the batter’s box I take a few practice swings, then hold my hand up to the pitcher, step into the box and place myself into my batting stance. As I stare down at the pitcher I hear my coaches tip from practice repeating in my head, “keep your eye on the ball and swing all the way through”. The first ball pitched whizzes by me. I step out the box to gather myself, then step back in and get back in my stance, I block everything else out and solely focus on the ball being pitched. As the next ball is pitched I react just in time to hit it, as soon as I finish swinging all the way through and hear the ball and bat connect, I drop the bat and run to first base and stop there. I look to the field and see I’ve only hit a grounder yet I was still happy I was able to get on base for my first game, but this happiness soon went away so I could refocus on scoring. I feel the blood pulsing through me, my heart pounding, my hands sweaty. One of my team members is now up to bat and manage to hit it into the outfield, I advance to 2nd, I hesitate wondering if I should go, I then look and see the opposing team has still not reached the ball, I then round 3rd base sprinting as fast as I can, nervous yet determined to score as I stare down at the catcher who steadily waits to for the ball to be thrown to her hoping to get me out. I manage to sprint fast enough to making it to home base without sliding. Yes! I scored!

As I return to my team dugout my excitement melted away the anxiety shooting in my stomach and my teammates congratulate me on scoring. However my coach calls me over. Excited yet clueless I rush over and see he’s angry. He explains why he is by stating that if I didn’t hesitate at 2nd then my other teammate could’ve scored as well. I felt bad that I was the cause for someone else not scoring but remained optimistic that we would be able to score again.

Unfortunately we didn’t score again and ended up losing. However scoring still filled me with joy and I happily helped bring the equipment on the bus. As we walked to the bus I then noticed something that I didn’t notice on the walk to the field. Since I was spending so much time worrying about messing up I wasn’t able to pay attention to simplistic things such as how enjoyable the weather for today is. Even though we did lose I still am happy because todays experience has taught me that it’s all about having fun, no matter if you win or lose.