“Maddie get in the car!” I yell to the girl with the short blonde hair blowing in the wind. She is sitting where the passenger window would be if it was rolled up, and hanging her head out the window. She is using one hand holding the top of the roof to keep herself from falling and the other is reaching as far as she can to catch the wind going by her body. She quickly gets in, buckles up and says “Cop.” in a monotone voice. Flashing blue and red lights come out of nowhere, and I pull the car over until it comes to a complete stop.
“Get my insurance papers out.” I say in a sassy tone.

The officer walks to the window of my driver’s side and I hand him my insurance and my permit with one edge clipped and stapled to a yellow sheet of paper before he gets a chance to ask. I know the drill. I had only had my license for barely two weeks, and I had just returned home from a family vacation in Florida three hours ago.

The officer looks at my freshly new license and asks “How many passengers do you have with you today?”
I looked to the right at Maddie and then to the back at Anna. I slowly made my gaze back to the officer and said “two.”

He replies, “I am going to have to write you a ticket. What you were doing was very dangerous.” Everything inside me was fighting to not kill Maddie at that very second, but I keep myself calm and say “I understand.” When he returns I was thrilled to find out I had a court date waiting for me when I call the courthouse in a couple of weeks. I decided to drop off Anna first, because she lived right in town. I brought Maddie with me home, so I could tell my parents what happened. I also was thinking that if I had Maddie with me I wouldn’t get yelled at as bad if I were alone.

“You what?!” said my Dad. He was in the shed working on a car like usual. His blue jeans had a little hole in the knee, and his hands were covered in grease. “You know I am getting really sick of this.” He said wiping his hands on his pants.  “Is this becoming a habit?” All I could think about was how my mom hated when my dad would wear his good jeans to work on cars. “Are you even listening to me?” He asked. I had nothing to say for myself and I just kept my head bowed and nodded every so often to look like I was listening. I decided now would be a good time to bring Maddie home.

No words were shared between us other then when Maddie got out of the car and said “I’ll see you tomorrow at school.” Even though it was a five minute car ride it felt like a lifetime. I returned home. By then my dad had shared the news with my mom already, and I received another lecture but worse. She told me I needed to pick up a new hobby, and thought joining a sport would keep me out of trouble for the most part.
“You’ve always talked about joining the swimming team why don’t you give it a shot.” she encouraged, and I wasn’t going to argue with her so I guess agreed that would be fine. 

I have friends in the sport, but I thought maybe I can get into better shape for gymnastics season. Getting into shape for gymnastics season was my only motive for this sport. I was trying every excuse in the book to try and get out of the first day of practice. I was thinking maybe I can  “accidently” miss the shuttle bus to the montgomery pool, but my friend Ashley caught on to my plan.

“I’ll walk with you to the bus.” she suggested.
“ No, it’s fine.” I said politely.
But she ignored my request, and walked with me anyways. I was thinking to myself now I have to go, and there’s no way out of this now.

Seeing Britin on the diving board was amazing. I didn’t know anything about the sport, matter of fact I didn’t really know diving was even a sport. I didn’t know what she was doing, but I knew I wanted  to be able to do what she is doing right now. There was a new diving coach this year. Her name was Tracy and she used to coach the college diving team in St. Paul, but thought coming here was a better move for her and her family. Practice was an hour deep in and all I could think about was sick of swimming I was already. I walked over to the diving area, and looking back now it was the best decision I made.

The first day of junior year felt like a continued sophomore year. I was so thrilled to start school I wore sweatpants and a maroon tank top. It was just like any first day. The teachers just talked about all their expectations they had for us students for the semester ahead of us. I realised how many people I never got the chance to see over summer, but nothing's changed everyone is doing the same old.

At the end of the day I walked out to the overflow where my group of friends park. On a usual day we all talk for a good ten minutes after school, and then head home or wherever we are going. Today was different Ashley and I were walking to overflow together and Haylie was crying in the parking lot, and her mom was standing beside her. We both looked at each other thinking this can’t be good. We had so many questions. “what's wrong?” and “Are you okay?” Haylie was growing frustrated with all of the questions, but  she managed to blurt out,

“Kevin shot himself!”

She started to cry harder and said, “and he has a fifty percent chance that he will make it!” I instantly grew numb, so I didn’t have anything to say. I couldn’t move. Everyone stood in silence that day in overflow.
Me and ashley missed the shuttle bus to montgomery, so we took her truck to practice. On the ride there my emotions came up to surface, and I couldn’t stop crying. When we arrived to the pool, we told our coach Tracy what had happened. she held us tight. Ashley let it out, but I stood in silence. I never felt like this. I was feeling everything at once, but no emotions would show.

Ashley took the next couple days off, while I was diving my heart out at the pool. Tracy suggested that I should take a couple days off, but I would rather come here. Besides, I was catching on very quickly to various new dives.

“You need to grieve Kayla.” she offered. For the first time I felt like somebody wanted to know what I was feeling. Somebody wanted to help me, and somebody truly cared about me. those are both things I have never really known. She told me it’s okay to let it out, and those words still replay in my mind one year later. Coming here to the pool is my only escape. From that day on I never missed a practice.

Tacy Had news for me. She told me I will be going to my first eleven dive meet, but I would be taking one of my teammates spot instead. Ellen had joined the year before I did. She was an eighth grader, and said she was fine with me taking her spot. Ashley was not okay with the situation. She repeatedly told me Ellen did not like the idea of me taking her spot, and Ellen wanted nothing to do with me because of it.

We arrive at Northfield High school pool area, and warm up our dives for the meet. After our warm up time was up we still had an hour to kill, so we went to Culver's. I didn’t know anything about it, and I wasn’t interested in trying anything new food wise. I just sat with the team and sipped on my ice water. When my teammates finished eating we packed up and headed back to the high school. There were thirty five divers in the pool area waiting in line to have their name announced so they could be judged. I did not come prepared for this meet, because all I brought was a blanket. It didn’t even cross my mind to bring a towel or my parka. At this point I was really dreading not bringing it. My parka was and oversized sweatshirt that went down to my ankles. Divers wear these at meets to stay warm between each turn.

I was shivering so bad. I decided to go in the showers between each turn, and each time I would get in the shower I would stay in a little longer each time.

“Kayla! You’re up!” Bella yelled as she burst through the girls locker room doors. Without saying a word I took off into the pool area. I was coming around the corner of the pool headed for the diving board as the announcer was in the middle of saying my last name. There was a wet spot on the floor I didn’t see.  The crowd’s eyes followed me as I sprinted around the deck. I could feel my feet slowly slip from under me, but all I could feel was my heart pounding in my chest. My is head pounding, and my body laid limp.