My head was spinning, and not just because of the office chair I found myself spinning around in. His hat was on my head and the smell of cheap vodka on my breath. I had never been drunk before and thus did not know how to handle myself. I had just left the party maybe 20 minutes before. It was a small event for a friend that I had not planned on attending, but my inhibitions were lowered and all I really wanted to do was see him.

I had walked through the doors and seen him sitting on one of the tables laughing with a group of friends. The people I had been drinking with tried to talk to me, but I was focused only on him. I walked straight towards him and sat down next fluttering my eyelashes.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hi,” he replied. He took his hat, which he had professionally embroidered with his last name and placed it in his lap.

“You should leave it on, it perpetuates the image you’re going for,” I said.

“And what image would that be?” He asked.

“Well I was assuming mainstream bad a**, but correct me if I’m wrong,” I replied. I knew what I was saying, but I would never have said it without the help of the alcohol.

He laughed throwing his head back so that when he replied his hair was in his eyes. He was wearing something he referred to as a “bro-tank” that emphasized his biceps. He was clearly oblivious to my inebriated state, but most of the room was.

“I guess I wasn’t really thinking about my image too much,” he replied.

I reached down and flirtily pried the hat out of his hands. I brushed back my own hair in the motion I so often did when I was around him and placed the hat on my head. I ironically positioned it so that it was on a tilt.

“Do I pull it off?” I asked, mostly joking.

“Uhm, I think you might want to stick to scarves,” he replied.

I slapped his arm playfully. The two girls I had been with earlier came and found me. They whispered in my ear that they thought we should leave just in case people started to suspect we were drunk. It was a big no-no to drink at the school we attended and so I agreed. I got up and started to walk away with them.

“Hey, aren’t you forgetting something?” He said, indicating his hat.

“Find me later,” I said and I turned back to follow the girls out.

I stopped spinning when I heard the bloop of a new message coming in on my Facebook page. I righted myself and tried to focus my eyes on the text in front of me. The girls had left me there swearing they would come back for me. The message was from him. It was simple. He had just typed my name. I looked at it for a full thirty seconds trying to figure out what he meant by it.

Hi. I’m drunk and scared; will you please come sit with me? I wrote back. Tears started to well up in my eyes and I did not know why. I gripped his hat and laid it out in front of me. The tears made it a blur of black and purple and the letters came together in some sort of illegible font. I waited for his reply. Minutes passed and I started spinning again. Finally I heard that familiar sound of a message coming in.
No, I can’t. We have to be in the dorm. Where is my hat?

My hear fell. I knew full well we did not have to be in the dorm for twenty more minutes. He was using an excuse to avoid seeing me. He did not care that I was scared and alone. I expected him to be my sober knight in shining armor and instead I got a cowardice self-serving a**. I thought about reading him the riot act, but I felt more defeated than angry. Instead I wrote back to him.

It’s funny that all you cared about was your hat. Goodnight.

I sat back down and realized that something had changed. The game of cat and mouse I had been playing had ended. It is hard to play games when one party seems inept at realizing they are playing. I blew the hair out of my eyes and watched as a tear fell onto his prized hat. He’d never know how often I’d cried for him, he’d never know that I was drinking because I thought he would come to my rescue; he’d never know that he had won. 
This night left me with many questions. I asked myself why he did not care enough to come make sure I was ok. I asked myself what he had wanted when he messaged me, as he is not usually one to message first. I asked myself what was so special about this hat. On this night the most important of my questions was answered. After this encounter I knew that the answer to the question would we end up together was a resounding no, but with a whole year to challenge the fates I sat back and thought let the games begin.